Lies

I am scared
I am hurt
And I am lost
I"ve held it in
I've lost my friends
And I am alone
I had a mask
I held it close
And pushed my fear away
Today has sucked
Just like every other day since you died
I went to your grave
There were flowers there
And I wanted to rip them up
What's the point
It's not like you can see them
It's not like you can smell them
There's no point in even trying anymore
You were my closest friend
I wish I could care
Wish I could cry
Wish they could see past all my lies
But with the pain of life too much to bear
I'll take the fear and meet you there
To a place where it is dark
And no one else will be around
The Earth will keep spinning
The kids will keep singing
But with this poem
My heart will stop beating
I'm so sick of the lies
I'm so sick of my lies
To wake up in the morning
And have to remember what I've said
So that I don't blow my cover
It took a life time to get where I was
And it took 20 minutes for it to crumble down
I want my old my life back
When I had a dad
When I still had friends
When I didn't have to lie