Metamorphosis of a Breaking Heart

By far the best love poem I've read. It totally echoes my feelings and feel the mirror emotions of mine flowing through your poem. Sad some people dont understand and i can totally relate to this. Amazingly written and yes im literally goosebumped! Added to my favs :)

The emotion, power and style of this piece makes it so captivating. I can't believe how well written it was. WOW. 5/5, Em xx

"Watch this heart shatter,
The broken pieces scatter,
From here, clear to there,
Watch my paper heart begin to tear"

^^ I don't think you need the word "the" in the seond line. However, I love this opening stanza, especially the paper heart line, as soon as the piece opens I can feel my emotions opening up.

"Watch my happy smile falter,
My facial expressions slowly alter,
The glimmer in my eyes fade to grey,
Ignore the tears I quickly brush away"

^^ I love this..the transistion in this stanza makes for a beautiful effect on the verse, and I like how you portray an act of happiness, so many people fake it, and you show that well within these lines.

"Listen to the words I speak,
Hear only the answers that you seek,
Turn away, turn your back,
Don't look at me, my world is going black.

Just stay away, don't turn around,
Don't see me fall, don't watch me drown,
Looking back is a waste of time,
In the end you were never mine."

^^ I adore these two stanzas, you portray such loss and emotion here, particuarly in the line of in the end you were never mine, it always hurts to realize that and that is beautifully shown in this part.

"No excuses, no more wasted words,
Tell your I'm sorry's to the birds,
Each one is empty, cold, and useless,
Without action, without feeling, meaningless.

Keep them to yourself, don't give them to me,
All along I said I was blind, but now I finally see,
It was the perfect lie, never actually true,
Guess I shouldn't have believed, not in you"

^^ The melancholy here is almost overwhelming...filled with such sadness and yet simutaneously so elegantly and beautifully written, and as I read each line I can feel my heart drop with sorrow as I get further along.

"Always expected the bomb to drop,
Anticipated the pain that'd make my heart stop,
Always said you'd leave me first,
Looks like worst did come to worst.

Lost my radiant sun, my forever light,
My world plunging deep into eternal night,
The tears, falling from my eyes like rain,
Keep your eyes averted, avoid seeing my pain"

^^ I find this to be exceptionally hard hitting, simply because you say how people can so blatantly ignore another's pain, and lack to care about it, I'm finding that this piece just gets better and better as I go along.

"Don't tell me that you still care, not anymore,
No more lies, I'm watching you break for the door,
Just turn and go away, have your happily ever after,
Let the wind blow me back wisps of care free laughter.

Just saying it for your benefit, don't worry I'll be alright,
Everyone tells me that I'm strong, that I have the will, the might,
Just have to make it through, time will help me heal,
But I'll tell you this too, you'll never understand the pain I feel"

^^ ...I'm speechless...what a beautiful way to end this moving and yet bittersweet piece, something that will certainly stay with the reader for a while.

"Just have to make it through, time will help me heal,
But I'll tell you this too, you'll never understand the pain I feel" "

^^ I really like these closing lines, I think the last line is easily my favourite line from the piece, so many people can relate to another not knowing how they feel and hiding it, pretending they are okay, myself included, and I think that's why it hit me so much.

However I don't think you need the "too" in this line, I find it to flow better without.

That being said, I really enjoyed this.

Congradulations .... that was truely amazing. So many poets try for years to write poetry with this much feeling behind every word, something that you acheive naturally. I'm jealous of your talent ... TRUELY!!! 5/5.

Listen to the words I speak,
Hear only the answers that you seek,
Turn away, turn your back,
Don't look at me, my world is going black.
Amen, I see this everyday in me and all of my friends
There is no good left in this world. Except for the people that seem to write about it. Everyone who writes poems for emotions know whats wrong in the world. But then no one will let them fix it.
This a truely strong poem Stanza over and over had my attention.But im gunna critique a lil bit here even tho it doesnt deserve it but with every stanza as good as it was then the last one was decent it left out the Big B()()M impact i was waiting for. still a great poem, Ima read more of yours although it doesnt seem like u write much