Half the Days...

Who is this she? Try to incorporate the element of who this judgmental person is; descriptions, adjectives, describe how 'she' judges your every move in an example, bring us into the world she is making unbearable, show us how she tears you down.

Where do you want to stay and live? What are you looking for? What type of way out are you searching for?

If she critiques your every move why is it that she won't notice you crying? Why aren't you hungry? Where has your hunger gone?

Describe these precious moments - these things that you see, and these people that are not a reality to you. Why 'can't it be true ever again?'

When would it be your time to go?

~Overall, it has amazing potential. I can imagine the thoughts that are written into this poem, but I think if you describe, in a little more detail, the world it is that you are living through during this time, it will provoke a deeper connection between the reader and the writer. Poets always have their own style when it comes to grammar and sentence structure. Try writing your poems out on Windows Word to correct some grammar mistakes that might be present. Revision of poems is important. You might also try looking through your poem to search-out where periods, commas, colons, semi-colons, and dashes might be placed. Spelling mistakes should be sought out as well.

One of the most important bits of information that was given to me was: that the job of a writer is never done. The writer will never be satisfied with what he or she writes because to the writer their work could always be improved. So, don't stop the writing process just yet. I think that you could dig a lot deeper into what it is that is most powerful about these times, and then bring them out into life through your writing.

Keep on writing, love.

With my sincerest regards,
Tu Monito