Confused?!?!?!?!?!?!

Breaking down
I'll never be able to please them
I'll never be HIM
why can't they just accept it
why can't I accept it
they'll never like who I am
I've lived with the same disappointment all my life
I should be able to handle it now
but I can't
on the verge of tears
on the verge of making the same old mistakes
I can't go back there
but I'm afraid to go forward
for when he leaves
the attention falls on me
but he made them proud
I don't and probably never will
I WISH I could be who they want me to be
but I tried that
it was hell
but its either hell or disappointment
which can I handle
or can I handle either of them
I'm not sure
I've had this disappointment on me all my life
but its pushes me to my knees
with tears streaming down my face
but when I was who they wanted me to be
it did the same thing
gah my life is so screwed up....well not all the time
but I AM SO CONFUSED
which one can I handle more
which one can I
live with©