I could say whatever this is, is odd, or bad, or even crazy, but I'm too confused. I mean, it is odd, and crazy, and kind of bad, but I am so confused about how I am feeling. You made me lose all the certainty I had when I hadn't seen you. When I'm not around you, I know I like him, and I know I'm completely done with you. But when I'm around you, everything changes. I can't decide if I like you or him, and the thought of never seeing you again makes me sad in a way that I don't understand. You are one of the dumbest, conceited, but hottest guys I have ever met. When I think back on everything we've been throughm it amazes me how even though we "hate" eachother, we've been through more together than most people who "hate" eachother. You dated my best friend, I talked to you with no problems, we never really saw eachother for a year, then we had English together for the next two years. That's when I look back and see the change I didn't see before. Are you ever gonna tell me the truth? I can tell people what the gossip was, and how I felt, but are you ever gonna open up? I tell myself that I tried, that I really tried, but I didn't. Sometimes I think that maybe because I didn't have the courage that I'm getting now, that maybe that's why nothing happened. I can come up with every excuse known to man, and then some. But you wanna know the truth? I don't care what our past is. You wanna know what writing this made me figure out? That even though I like that other guy a lot, I was right when I said I could never stop liking you. I'm just surprised at how long I've been able to lie to myself about my feelings for you. I thought I knew it all, but you always find a way to show me new things.
***I know its long, but it really helped me blow off some steam. I guess blowing off some steam gave the best poets some of their best poems too so...hope you like!
