Lost in This Verse

by BrokenREALiTy   May 29, 2008


These eager words will never escape my lips,
Just as my heart will never avoid your feet.
(Touch me with your damaged words;
I'm not telling you to fix me.)

Dance these lines across my lips,
(Your presence clots the air I'm breathing.)
In this verse I've surrendered poise,
For these stars will never blush again.

[[Swear to me...]]

You'll seize these fading images,
For the faintest trace infects my chalk-drawn eyes.
Fuse them with these upset tears,
(They're dampening my ragged cries.)

Scrape these wounds with salted claws,
I swear to you, your name is the one I'll scream.
Just promise me, you'll trap these shattered stars,
(Now, will you make me beautiful?)
���©20080528 Mindy Huang

**Edit: I realize that "word" is used twice in the first stanza, but I couldn't find another replacement for it. Any suggestions, I'm thankful for (:
*** Interpretation Help: And if you don't realize what the beautiful has to do with any of this, in the beginning, it says that I don't want the person to fix me, but I end it asking him if he'll make me beautiful. Does that help? It made sense in my head ...

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    I think i get the meaning. you are asking a person not to fix you or change you to what he wants, but with him you feel different from what you are usually..
    it's hard to explain in words, but you manged to get this feeling through bright images:
    the dance metaphor impressed me.. i like how you mix poetry and movements in the poem:
    Dance these lines across my lips <-one of my fav lines
    and in stanzas 3 and 4 there are images of eyes and stars. pretty common, but not in the way you combine them:
    Just promise me, you'll trap these shattered stars

    this poem is not that easy. it makes you think before you get the hidden meaning, and still there are doubts-and it's great: it makes you try to understand what the images mean, and the general atmosphere of the poem helps understand it.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    Wow...I can't critique this poem because I want to steal it from you and call it my own (dont worry i wont do that:) but this poem was utterly amazing it was just phenomenal. All the vocabulary you used, and the images were so raw and I just loved it!

    Scrape these wounds with salted claws,
    I swear to you, your name is the one I'll scream.
    ^^
    I loved those lines UH! amazing! adding this to my faves
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Very well done, not as good as the
    other one I read. And not your best,
    I've seen better from you. But still not
    bad but not great. But still you are an
    amazing poet. :)
    <3Tay
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Amazing. I loved different this was and interesting to read. You weren't straightforward with your meaning which made me even more into the poem to try and analyze what was hiddent behind your wonderful choice of words. Everything just fit together nicely and I could tell you put careful thought and time and behind this piece. The flow was as always flawless and the truth behind it shown. The structure was great and something a lot of people try to write but don't succeed. The ending was interesting and I am still trying to figure it out but it worked.

    Well done.
    *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    YOUR LAST STANZA I LOVED IT SO MUCH, it really captivated i cant express how much i loved it. So much orginality and ideas in your poems keep writing im so adding you to my favorites your one awsome poet 5/5^^

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