Murder Me With Your Love

Oh. Dang. Now this poem is much better than mine was. :] I like your version better. More of a wide vocabulary & such. Nicely written my dear. :) 5/5.

I'm just in love with your format.

You've read some of my poems, y'know I only do four lines per stanza.

The thing I like about your format is that...

The ones in brackets, I can hear whispers.
This is MADE for the stage.

I don't know..

There's no need for a comma after "Smother Me"

I'll give you my interpretation.

Although, I'm quite confused who's doing the beating.

I'll give my reasons.

Cast a shadow.
The other person gives you a mean look.
You don't like it.

Then the other person curses at you or something.

Then you start beating on them.

Blah.

Well, I've read your profile page and a few of your pieces, and I think you're awesome. (For lack of better word.)

But responding to this piece only, I'll start with things that I like. I like that you left the meaning so open, as to not say what it's about right on the first line. I don't know how you do it, but I can never seem to hide the meanings as clever(ly?) as you did. My favourite line is:

(Notice that I look you in the eyes as you smother me,
With the violent words you've spit upon my lips.)

It shows the strength in your character and thoughts, as well as putting the best picture in my mind. Like I can feel the hatred that keeps the gaze into one another going. I can feel the hatred of everything, the selfish thoughts, the anger.. And yet your words seem so calmly thought out, like the evil character in a story - the more calm and quiet the more devilish they seem to be.

There's nothing I didnt actually like, but I do wonder what made you think this part need be in a place all their own:

[Seize these undeveloped negatives,
That I've selfishly laid upon our scarlet sheets.]
I'm not sure the [ ] method did anything except make it look like you tried to hard to make it appear well constructed. It would be just as strong without it.. Though I could be missing a valid point about why they are in fact there, so please don't take it the wrong way. I've been wrong many times before, and I mean nothing by it. It is your write, and I think you should keep it as you prefer it - but this is where I'm suppose to voice my opinion, so there it is.

Over all you're a great writer, and I'm definately coming back for more.

I liked this poem and int
erpreted it as someone trying to save another but other caught in their own desperation. I loved some of the description that you used my favorite

Notice that I look you in the eyes as you smother me,
With the violent words you've spit upon my lips

Nice write 5/5 ^^