Id Smile, But Im Too Weak

This is my story,
It's not one of hope and glory,
Iv made mistakes, maybe too many,
They caused my heart way too much agony.

I guess I'm a user,
Some would say a heart abuser,
But, it's not like I intentionally do,
Just sometimes i know not what i do.

I get in moods,
And they never seem to conclude,
And I regretfully bring others down with me,
When all i want is to be let be,

I'm always down,
Because my actions, often make others frown,
But it's not like I intentionally do,
Just sometimes i regret what i do.

Forever saying I'm sorry,
Most of the time i don't mean it, and i worry,
That the heart ache i have caused to those,
Will come full circle, and that hurt karma will impose.

Iv pushed all away,
My mind is my bodies own tourniquet,
But it's not like I intentionally do,
Just sometimes i can't help what i do.

I sit by myself,
Drunk as usual, letting depression manifest itself,
Looking for a new me at the bottom of every glass,
Maybe I'm there, or maybe this feeling will just pass.