Self Weakness

by Janalicious14   May 31, 2008


Confused by the own mind
on things, it's hard to decide
what's happening?
I'm so blind
I don't know what's behind
thoughts of mine, undefined
harsh ideas, it's so unkind

My heart it's so weak
ravished by ecstasy
tortured by pain
damaged by the rain
abandoned by emotions
drowned in the oceans

My eyes that see the lies
it feels pain, and then it cries
because of the goodbyes
and all of the infinite denies

My hand, It feels so cold
It needs warmth, but no one to hold
It's hard to handle
burned in the candle

My ears, They can't hear
no sound no cheer
the tone is so clear
It hears nothing but the cries
the lies and painful goodbyes

As I look in the mirror
my reflection of a weak girl
my tears started to fall
my mind, it speaks nothing at all
my ears, they hear the beats
of the heart that competes
and the hand, it holds the heart
it starting to loosen
it's going to fall apart

~>this poem is dedicated to my best friend!!!
I love you best!

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Good job done here...
    it wonderfully rhymed and flowed..

    it seems a lot of frustration.. remorse is hidden ... and through these words you have let all your emotions flow...

    good read...
    keep writing..

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I am a big fan of this Dylan style of writting most us us are weak in the sense you wtite about It is refreshing the no we are not alone

  • 16 years ago

    by H E Losey

    Your theme is good here.
    Your rhythm and rhyme schemes are all over the place making for a difficult poetic read.
    Third stanza first line, "eyes" dose not agree with "sees", when reading further I feel "eye" is what you want.
    Last stanza line 8 I think you mean to use "loosen" rather then "loose" as I don't believe "loose" can be the object of the preposition "to".
    Oh, my weakness is I am too truthful.
    As always an opinion.

  • 16 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    Wow good poem i loved how you described the senses and the mind in the poem5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    The vocabulary here was plain.
    I liked the meaning,
    Although it wasn't hidden.

    It was pretty straightforward.
    Pretty much your title gave it away.

    I don't know.
    I just believe there's room for improvement in here.

    It also kind of reminded me of a childroons rhyming thing.

    Erm...
    I dont' know if other people thought it that way.
    It's probably because your a lot of your stanzas rhyme.
    And they were unpredictable.
    I don't think you want yours to be a children's rhyming thing when you're talking about self weakness.

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