Comments : Concrete angel

  • 16 years ago

    by StandStill

    Very very pretty.
    one of my favorites by you, actually.
    5.5

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    First off, I have one suggestion: You disturbed great flow of the piece at the end because you repeated the word 'break". Maybe you can replace 'break' in the last line with some synonym, it would sound better. For example: "Never could tell me why you did fall" or "why you did shatter".

    Overall, I enjoyed in this write. I like the imagery and atmosphere that you created, they excellently portray touching emotions which flow through every line. When I read this for the first time I thought that the repetition of the "Concrete angel" was a bit overwhelming for the poem itself but then I reread the whole piece and I found it really nice. I like the metaphor of concrete angel, too.