The rhyme in this poem is done well I think. Because it doesn't feel contrite or forced. It seems to be natural to the poem. the way you focus more on the narrator than thesubject is good, but the content seems like generic highschool poetry, or petrarchan poetry, which is over done, and not really all that good in my own personal opinion. However, with this one, where you left it is good. I don't think you need to go into anymore detail. where you left it is a good spot. A single, yet specfic question that can have an innumerabl amount of answers to both who the narrator is and the subject. I would leave it as is.