So I just found out that I'm actually not diagnosed with BPD...
Seriously? I guess I must have a bad case of the Gemini...
Anyway... I've been really up and down lately. It's starting to get quite annoying. Unfortunately I hit a "pothole" and gave way to my silver friends... I'm really truly sorry. None of 'em are that bad... not deep at all. They're on my shoulder so no one can see. Well, no one except for my barn not-really-friends friends 'cause I wear wife beaters since it gets so dang hot. I'm still trying to quit. I think it should get easier to stop when all of this BS court crap goes away, and you are free to live your life.
I sure hope that maybe you might possibly be willing to maybe find it in your heart to perhaps consider allowing me to maybe talk to me... God that was hard to get out. I'm just TERRIFIED that when all of this BS is over you will either 1. Loathe me 2. Be too afraid of me or 3. Loathe me. In the miraculous case that none of those are true, I still wont be able to see you or even talk to you because C wont let me get anywhere near you. I guess you could say that she's not your mother, but I can't get my hopes up.
Goodness... Thinking about never getting to see or talk to you again makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. After all, the reason I'm fighting so hard to stay alive is the prospect of getting to hear your voice again. If I got to see you... oh my God... I would cry all of my problems and fears out of my system. And, goodness... If I got to hug you... I would die. I am not kidding when I say that as I typed "got to hug you" my heart skipped a beat.
... if that's not pathetic, I don't know what pathetic is....
Babe, my friend, I Love you. I can't stop Loving you... You're my best friend. How can I stop Loving the woman who saved my life... who saved me from myself? It's just not possible.
