Memory & Tear

by Hawaiizang3l   Jun 6, 2008


Memory & Tear

You only cry so many tears
For that one special guy
And that with the passing of time
Those tears will dry

I thought my time was up
That no longer id be in pain
I would move on with my life
And start to love again

Then I slowly felt it fall
A little stream down my cheek
I wasnt sure why I was crying
Was it cause I was sad or weak

But it continued to flow down
As if I suffered a drought
I tried my hardest to stop
But I just didnt know how

The memories started to play
As if an old theater had reopened
I remembered every scene and line
I wanted to fast forward to the end

But there I sit on my bed
Suffereing from each memory and tear
Just wanting to run far away
From everything that I held dear

June 5, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Kekaulike Dabis

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by TormentedSoul

    Wow lots of emotion really good!!!! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Bugg

    Aw, this is so sad! I liked it, but I felt like you could've done a better job. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was wonderful, but maybe you could've expanded your vocabulary a bit. 4/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    First of all, I'd like to say.. whatever I suggest to you is just my opinion and I hope you don't think I'm too mean. :]

    Secondly, your title.. Is kind of boring and vague in my honest opinion. Make it more unique. Jazz it up!

    "I thought my time was up
    That no longer id be in pain
    I would move on with my life
    And start to love again"
    -Make sure that you're adding your apostrophes. Such as in "id" you need it to be I'd. Make sure you do that!

    "Then I slowly felt it fall
    A little stream down my cheek
    I wasnt sure why I was crying
    Was it cause I was sad or weak"
    -Great job. However, again... Contractions like didnt which is.. "did not" obviously needs an apostrophe... "didn't"
    Then, you go on and say that is it cause I was sad or weak. I think you need a question mark here. But I'm not entirely sure about that. Makes more sense for me if I put one there. :]

    "The memories started to play
    As if an old theater had reopened
    I remembered every scene and line
    I wanted to fast forward to the end"
    -This is amazing. I loved this stanza. It was one of my favorites. Great job. I'm questioning whether or not reopened has a hypen in it or not. You may want to check that out.

    "But there I sit on my bed
    Suffereing from each memory and tear"
    -Suffering is spelt wrong.
    ^ I believe how I spelled it is right. Just drop the e.

    Your rhyming was so-so. I think you coudl have use larger and more interesting words. But, I know that's difficult to do. Otherwise, a well done job. Great piece nonetheless. I can't necissarly give you a perfect on this.. So... a 4/5 will do.

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Awww....this is so beautiful.. so touching...

    the pain.. the sadness..is so well described...

    'Just wanting to run far away
    From everything that I held dear'

    ^^ya we all feel like running away when something bad happens.. but thats how life is...

    well written..
    keep writing..

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