Rewriting the World [[collab]] (590)

by NinjaGirl   Jun 6, 2008


Rewriting the World

**A collab between myself and LiquidSugar, with me writing the first stanza, LiquidSugar the second and so on. Both of our first collab's so, we might not be that great at it**

Not another fairy tale ending
Or something pulled from a book
Not another fair well sending
With one quick backward look.

It always seems the same
Everyday, everyone, everyway
When the sun went and came
I wish I can throw everything away,

I wish I could throw away everything,
All these meaningless notes and words
Because we both know that forever
These notes and feelings will go unheard.

So if you dare, come join me
And together, let us burn the words
The words written down in blood and ink
And together, write our own little world,

Where we can be together, as one,
The two of us, just you and I
And we will be each others' company
And protection until the day we die.

But if you betray this whatsoever
It's you who shall be paying
For the world that you destroyed
It will be mercy you'll be craving.

Yes, but I swear to you in deepest secrecy,
No word of yours that I may or may not hear
Shall ever pass from between these two lips,
Lest I fail in friendship for you, my dear...

Written 6 June 2008

©opyrighted by ~NinjaGirl~
TM - LiquidSugar

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    The book idea is great, and i like how it's connected with the title
    though it's a collab, all stanzas are in the same style
    if to imagine that this is a conversation it's just awesome!
    i have a suggestion: why don't you make it a "dialogue poem"?
    like this:

    (Name 1): Not another fairy tale ending
    Or something pulled from a book
    Not another fair well sending
    With one quick backward look.

    (Name 2): It always seems the same
    Everyday, everyone, everyway
    When the sun went and came
    I wish I can throw everything away,

    (Name 1): I wish I could throw away everything,
    All these meaningless notes and words
    Because we both know that forever
    These notes and feelings will go unheard.

    and so on.
    i just think it would look more eye-catching this way and also the dialgue form would express he main idea of the poem
    but of course that's just a suggestion
    and the poem is really good and talented the way it is
    5/5
    awww and its an awesome way to show your friendship in a collab poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Mister 47

    I love it , i like the way you epress so easy and ligth to understand ,

    i tghink i will read more about your work !!

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Excellent work guys... wonderful write...

    the message it sent...the description... wonderful...

    "So if you dare, come join me
    And together, let us burn the words
    The words written down in blood and ink
    And together, write our own little world,

    Where we can be together, as one,
    The two of us, just you and I
    And we will be each others' company
    And protection until the day we die."

    ^^ loved this stanza... it brings the feeling of togetherness... i liked it..

    keep coming out with such good writes...

  • 16 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    OH I LOVED THE LAST THREE STANZAS, it was like two people talking back and forth. Yall really know how to bring out a collab. I thought transition had a little trouble at the begining but yall did a great job 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The flawless flow of this poem delivered a powerful reflection of history which if heedded by all could influence the future

    well done

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