The Art of Drowning

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Jun 6, 2008


They always told me when you get in quite a large predicament and you can't get out to take a deep breath to calm yourself.

But that doesn't always work.

Especially when you're drowning.

------

The eyes of the city are counting your tears as they stumble down your face. Just one more dollar and you'd be done for the night.

"I'll sing you a lullaby

If you promise not to cry." the city beckoned you away from your corner of safety and smiled as you inched closer to its breast.

"You can write any lullaby you want
and make them think otherwise.
but the only lullaby you'll be singing
is a silent one tonight." and you welcome the warmth of truth and hurry - so carelessly - into the security of it's breast. you didn't stop to think

that maybe he was against you too.

The night can burn brighter still, but it's not the colors you're watching. It's the melody it's singing in your head; the one that brought you here in the first place.

It's a sad tune, one many of us sing, but one only you truly know the feeling of.

"Sing it aloud for us, princess, show us your heart," the city lights whisper.

And so you take a deep breath, and with the most melodic voice you can produce, you produce the song that's only close to your heart, "I know I could get somewhere without you, but it wouldn't last."

And you collapse against the steel breast of the building, the one named STARLIGHT, because it reflects you so well.

And you're crying and you're whispering to your finger nail polish..."and this is what I'm living for? sleepless nights and wishes on stars that never come true? is this all life's got to offer?" and that's when you realize how cold the city's touch is; steel, and weightless, because it has no heart and doesn't care about you.

You stumble away, terrified of drowning in the lights that you thought were going to comfort you. And suddenly, you're drowning in a sea of overwhelming emotions and your song takes over in your head.

You stutter your song knowing that it makes no sense to anyone but to yourself. Yet, you're okay with this, because uttering these words finally gives you a sense of general relief.

-------

The cold steel touches your cheek. It's even colder when your tears are wreathing down your face. What did you expect -- the heart beat of the bridge? It won't happen and nothing's going to save you this time.

You're cold in the wind and you wrap your arms carefully around you - you wouldn't want to fall before you're ready, of course. The steps beneath you are counting as few

And the building's eyes are glaring at you as if in a mocking smile.

But be careful who you mock, buildings, because this girl's ready to fall. The waves crash against the concrete and your designer sweater suddenly seems far too warm. You glance up, and scream silently to the stars, "I'll miss wishing on you, but when you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are..." You boldly sing this louder and louder as the wind howls around your face, and the lights on the streets turn on, and the cars are rushing by, and no one is saving you....

And you scream, before you wish just as dreamers do, "i have the guts, but not the heart."

Maybe, maybe next time, you'll listen to your heart.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    :( be happy you have a ton of emotion into your stuff so kudos to you but now I wanna go die lol

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "They always told me when you get in quite a large predicament and you can't get out to take a deep breath to calm yourself."
    -Right off the bat, I was questioning myself. Who? You say "They always told me....." but.. Who are they? Maybe you say who it is later in the poem. Clarify that maybe? The readers may be confused. Maybe it's just me. I'm not sure.

    ""I'll sing you a lullaby

    If you promise not to cry." the city beckoned you away from your corner of safety and smiled as you inched closer to its breast."
    -Interesting so far. But, your line here broke up into two? Unless that's just your format. I'm not sure. You had "I'll sing you a lullaby.. and then there was a space and then you said the rest.

    Overall, a really great poem. Interesting title. I thought that was a really neat title and it intrigued me to read the poem. Ummmm, what else can I tell you? I really liked the format.. However, I think this poem was too long. I prefer shorter poems.. but I can't tell you to change the length because that's how you want it. So, disregard what I even said. lol. Anyway, the format was pretty unique. I have to give ya that. :) I've never seen a poem written like this before. It was interesting. :] 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by AlaSkA

    Well, this being the first thing that i have read in months that wasn't child's play.. was a breath of fresh air. and actually spoke to me to write. i would give you my interpretation of your poem with a poem if i could, but i wouldn't want you to stray from your original idea. one thing of negative: the part about stuttering uttering words to yourself. i wont go into it, it just wasn't my style
    i must say, a wonder-full write. i say this because i tend to read between the lines of most of the things i read.
    the write as a whole left impact but i have to say that: "And you scream, before you wish just as dreamers do, "i have the guts, but not the heart." And step off the ledge." this stayed in my head the whole time i read the end and the whole again. absolutely great word choice here.

    great work,
    Tom

    (you have a PM)

  • 16 years ago

    by Krathia

    Part I

    Told like a story... The first part is so cold, a bit like the little snatches of advice or wisdom that we hear but never put to good use. Or the stuff they say at the begining of a TV show episode that gives absolutely no clue about what's to come for the next half-hour...

    "Especially when you're drowning."
    Well, it's too obvious to be called foreshadowing, and the effect it gives is much less subtle (not in a bad way, mind...). More of a warning, I'd say. Like saying, "Danger", or "Proceed with caution".

    Part II

    The first sentence immediately thrusts you into the atmosphere, the mood of this piece. One thing that I didn't quite get was the "One more dollar" part, but I don't suppose it matters much.

    The first half of Part II made me think of loneliness and mist and forlorn-ness. It's as if she isn't really alive anymore, she's only living to live, without a reason or a goal or a purpose. She just keeps going on like one would in a dream... As if none of this fantasy -- or nightmare -- is real.

    "That maybe he was against you too."
    Now that's foreshadowing. On the line above it, I suggest you put a dash at the end. Those are more abrupt, it really shows that the train of thought is suddenly servered by another thought.

    "and with the most melodic voice you can produce, you wail,"
    Please change "wail". Maybe it's just me, but I wince everytime I see that verb. It's just so... urgh.

    Part III

    The beginning is too "slang-ish".

    " it won't happen, love, and nothing's going to save you this time."
    This sounds like something out of an old movie.
    "But be careful who you mock, buildings, because this lady's ready to fall."
    And this sounds like something out of a Western song.

    It's ruining the mood a little. In situations like these, I'd try to mingle her emotions and her surroundings together. Like, I dunno, 'The bitter January wind swept away her doubts and her thoughts.'

    "your cardigan sweater"
    Cardigan doesn't really belong there. It goes against the flow of your words. It's too harsh for the mood.

    Everything beneath that is flawless. It all sounds very natural, and above all, tragic. This is the purest part of the whole piece, because there is only emotion, nothing more. No adjectives or adverbs to clutter up the sentences, no odd words in the middle of nowhere... It's the peak, the summet of your feelings. I'd bet my computer that this is when you truly felt the emotion running through your veins.

    "Maybe, maybe next time, you'll not listen to your heart."
    Very much like the last, tiny thought before everything gives away, the last shred of a smile, of regret, of memory...

    Part IV

    It seems like a weak ending... I'd just delete this part altogether, but hey, you're the writer.

    Amazing, amazingly done. It's one of those stories that makes your heart cry and your eyes look far far away, leaving them unfocused for the next few hours or so. It'll haunt me for a long time.

  • 16 years ago

    by Spirit

    Sad truely and utterly sad.
    *tear*
    but really great job it is really beautiful.

    a few camments
    when you get to the longer bit it feels as though you are stuck (i found myself reading the same line over)
    I liked the fact that it was broken up into 4 parts and how the first and forth were similar.
    Also i liked that it didn't rhyme (i like free verse but can't write it my self)
    it was a little long but then again i have a short attention span.
    over all for me
    5/5

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