Loved the way you chose the words to portray the woman in the first stanza.........beautiful!

"Tortured mind fragments its pain.
Impervious once, now insane
My lucid dreams were wasted truth,
Her love became my hanging noose."

Very well written lines.I could get lost is this.Somehow I feel the sadness here......infact very sad.Anyways the bottom line is thumbs up!!!looking forward to reading more.

Rgds
grace.

Wow.this was a great poem,keep it up.5/5
harlea

I love your work, you have an excellent grasp of poetic diction! A lot of your work is of great inspiration to me, I aspire to one day write poetry like this.

I absolutely adore your work. I think that maybe you should go into publication. That is how well you write. I actually embraced the full stops in this poem, it kind of gave you a second to see the full intensity that this woman has complete and total control. 5/5 from me!

I love this poem. Intense imagery, very well structured. I love how you describe her love as being your death and then in the last stanza you say the love is dust. it's amazing how a few simple words can make up a beautiful poem. You are amazing. I wish i had half the talent and half the insight of the world as you do. Keep on writing and i'll keep praising lol
thanks
~*~Amber~*~

First of all you have a huge vocab since your choice of words here is amazing. The poem is really interesting as it fades into a sad and dark ending...
The flow had no flaws so I cant really say much more about that.
The poem awakens many feelings as it even made me smile when you used kinetic energy. And then ofcourse there is the sorrow the beauty the irony and much more..
Irony is something I like very much and so it made all of this even more enjoyable to me.
And finally the title is very good cause one is not really sure what its about so it has a magnetic effect (ye I will also use physics ).

Overall this is a magnificent poem dare I say impressive.

Excellent!

Honestly this poem had so many wonderful words in it, that I had no real "favorite line" This poem was beyond amazing. It had a variety of words in it, which made it even more interesting. The flow was perfect. It just flowed along perfectly. I never had to stop in the poem and question that something wasn't right. Now that's a perfect poem. :] 5/5 Excellent work.

Well i though it was so good. i loved it.

Very powerful and well written!
It flowed along very well..

Very powerful and well written!
It flowed along very well..

Very describtive i like

"Venus smiling before my eyes,
Her beauty heavenly sunrise.
Attracted by her reticent smile,
Virtue wrapped in womanly style. "

Ah, mythology, Aphroditie the goddess of beauty and love her plant venus. I love reading poems like this. So much beauty in it.

"I saw no other, who could compare,
Nor did I require another's flair.
Enchanted aura, delimited she,
Magnetized kinetic energy."

Very descriptive I liked it. I can clearly see her beauty, her "enchanted aura" I love your use of wording here to, its complex and as I said very descriptive made up a very good stanza. This might be my favorite stanza so far.

"Slowly poisoned with jading stare,
Her inner demons scraped despair.
Leaching vows of eternal spring
Failed dreams on bloody skin."

As much beauty as there is in a person there is always something deep inside that we all love to hate. With so much perfection there has to be something that is isn't perfect. I like the way you showed this to your readers. Telling us that in so much beauty there is something else that you need to watch out for.

"Tortured mind fragments its pain.
Impervious once, now insane.
My lucid dreams were wasted truth,
Her love became my hanging noose."

So is she just a dream that you can control? Or a dream that seems so real that you are aware of it? This sounds like she has all power over you, everything that she is controls you. Thats how love is.

"Upon the stool I looked around,
Her scarf of steel, now so profound.
Our love began with a leap of trust,
Ironic now, this love is dust. "

Amazing ending, I didn't expect that, I think this was my favorite stanza of the whole poem. As perfect as a love can be, it never lasts "this love is dust" So i agree with this poem, on all levels. Amazingly written and very descriptive.

I enjoyed reading this poem alot to tell you the truth. The title definitly caught the interest of my eye. It was well delivered and interesting. I'm not sure what I like more behind this piece the mythological sense which portrayed the goddess of love. Or the meaning which was represented behind your words. Both were evenly matched in my interest. You showed the audience that of course there is more to love then just what is on the outside. If you just love what is on the outside then another side is going to show. Personality.. And it did within this poem. Just not the way the beholder would of thought.
I liked the way you ended this piece by saying that there is no such thing as perfect love.

Overall this was quite an enjoyable read. I loved the use of techniques which you portrayed. Including the rhyme of this poem. You rhymed quite well and I didn't find it to be forced what so ever. Well done. You kept me interest from start until finish.

~Mel

AH! This is the piece you submitted to one of the contests in the club ... And I absolutely adored it. Your vocabulary is so broad .. it's appalling, because lines are so short, and simple, and yet they run so deep.

You start out so beautifully ... the diction that you use to describe this beauty is beyond stunning. The imagery is just breathtaking, and your choice of words is sophisticated, giving it a higher air.

Third and fourth stanzas are just amazing. My interpretation is that even the most beautiful things have some sort of negativity flowing from within them that can and will destroy us, but nonetheless, we'll always fall into the hands of that thing we hate, because the beauty is just so blinding ... we go in swords drawn, but will is just lost.

Tortured mind fragments its pain.
Impervious once, now insane.
My lucid dreams were wasted truth,
Her love became my hanging noose.
`Gorgeous wording. I absolutely adore this stanza -- it's like life -- these beautiful moments we find are dreams ... are they real or are they merely fragments of our imagination? A serum to ease our pain ... or rather, a play out of the pain our burning minds are expressing? The way you use love as the rope in which you will die by (from what I translate) is just ... it leaves me in awe.

Haunting ending -- but oh so true. Love beings, it happens, and then it fades away. A fate that we cannot alter.

Lovely job.
..__MiNDYY

Awesome!!...Ur poem is deep and well-written....U really got a talent...Although it was kinda complicated ,I think I could get it ..
Good job,keep it up5/5...