I hate him...i miss him..yet i love him still. <3

I cant believe how much i miss you,
i still dont believe your gone,
Its hard to relise i dont have you holding me in your arms,
keeping me safe and warm,
i hate myself so much,
for belieing everything you said,
every word just keeps replaying in my head,
loosing you has been the hardest,
but letting it affect me was the worst part,
letting the tears fall one after the other,
remembering the times together,
when you looked at me like i was everything,
hugged me so hard i thought i was going to break,
kissing me as though everything was perfect,
as though i was the one for you,
no question about it,
Yet i never thought id see the day when you would say you had enough,
the day you said you didnt want me,
like i just wasnt good enough,
I dont realli know why im writing this,
i usually just block it all out,
i just hate it,
i hate missing you,
i hate not seeing your face,
i hate not feeling your arms around me,
but wat i hate the most is that i dont hate you...i still love you,
And you couldnt care less.