Underground

by David ODonnell   Jun 8, 2008


Pick me up when I fall down
Through the earth and underground
Save whats left, whats left of me
Do whats right and cease to be

Cleared my mind from thoughts of you
Talking love and strange taboo
Bled the blade to keep me strong
What felt so right turned out so wrong

Locked your smile inside my mind
Left the happiness behind
Poems come and then they go
But this ones here to let you know

I died and lived each day for you
And fought for love and what was true
Gave you heaven and gave you hell
Then left you with an empty shell

It's been a year since you've moved on
Im so weak and you're so strong
You're happy now and living well
Im so sad in the past I dwell

I see you smiling without me
And I am crying to be free
From your love I had confound
I feel I should be underground

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Paralyzed

    I think this for me was your strongest stanza:

    Cleared my mind from thoughts of you
    Talking love and strange taboo
    Bled the blade to keep me strong
    What felt so right turned out so wrong

    I really loved it, it flowed so well and I love your word choice, you just didn't hold onto it for the rest of your piece. If you cleaned up the flow a bit in the other stanzas I think it would be even better.
    It was a nice write and an enjoy able read, you did a nice job overall, keep up the good work.

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