Okay
i liked the general idea of this.
maybe try to make it more poem ish
like stanzaz and less internet slang
um edit the extra wording out. it would help you organize it a lot.
dispose of the ... and blanks it brings.
edit the vocabulary so it is stronger.
those are some pointers
if u want any more or want to kill me for anything
PM me. lol
wonderful piece all in all.

Lexie