You used the title beautifully and I loved the poem you produced.
1st Stanza:
The words you used here truly affected me because they were so powerful yet loving. I'd never seen the word "Asphyxiate" used in a poem before so it was a nice new experiance for me. Thank you for introducing me to something new :]
2nd Stanza:
The metaphors here just blew me away and made this poem stand out from the rest entered. You flowed everything so nicely and it all seemed to come so naturally from you. Wow I'm still in awe reading it a second time.
3rd Stanza:
This stanza just has to be my fave. You used the title perfectly and the words you used here just pierced right through my soul.
"Asphyxiate me with the strength of your embrace"
`Wow, already three lines in and I already have discovered the awesome vocabulary! Asphyxiate - Wonderful word . . . you definatly don't see it that often. :]
"Blind me with the lancinating stare of your eyes
Like hail of blades poured down from the skies."
`Amazing simile. Loved the word choice esp. lancinating. :]
"Crash me with the intensity of your affection
Like a boulder of diamond pitched at my direction."
`Your writing is so impressive. The word choice is outstanding, and here again.. I see another simile that is just so well written. I love the way you used the title, definatly original. :)
Overallllll, I enjoyed this piece a lot! The word choice was outstanding and blew me away. I don't think theres anything you should change with this poem, at lesat I didn't see any flaws in it! The flow was good :] 5/5.