Comments : Family Blues (wrote this for class)

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "My family is changing
    I don't want it to.
    Yes my family is changing
    and I don't want it to."
    -You said the same thing twice. We now your family is changing, and you don't want it to. Just say it once, I think the reader understands. :)

    "We sat on the couch
    and had a family meeting.
    Yes we sat on the couch
    and had a family meeting."
    -Again, don't repeat your lines. Once is enough. The reader understands your point.

    "I wish it didn't happen
    I wish i didn't know.
    I wish it won't happen
    so I'd never know
    All I know is
    I'm gonna miss him so. "
    -Capitolize your I again. ;) Make the poem neat. :]]
    -Again, you did some repeating. But in this case, I think it's alright for this stanza. It didn't throw me off like the other stanzas did.

    Sorry, I'm picky. I've been tought so much about poetry from comments that I've gotten, and I try my best to pass it on to others, so they can improve their poetry as well as I can improve mine. :] Hope you consider my suggestions. :) Keep improving! 3/5

  • 16 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    Hmmm cute,what class did you do this for exactly?? i like the repitition, and your middle stanza was me favorite.... im sorry if your going though this... my parents just got divorced too so if you need to talk... 4/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    So touching...

    good job..
    keep writing..