Why won't death come easily..
Why are there always complications..
Why do I feel like I'm leaving you when I live?
An like death will solve the problems..
But nothing works...
The two burning packets of nurfen, heavy in
my pocket, failed to smother my life....
The shimmering seductive silver knife purely
glistening in my reflection failed to cut deep enough..
The party and social around me, alive with pure
adrenaline just made the numbness more
suffocating... I wasn't made for defenestration, I
don't have the courage - heights were never my thing...
But the numbness spreads, and you seem to sink further
into the mist until I'm left alone, isolated but still breathing....
I love you, but it never seems enough.
The guilt always seems to follow
my failure, a shame that burns my veins
and turns my heart to ash, setting a fire
my body with a feeling of failure.
i gaze at those around me but they
don't see it, they don't feel the numbness,
they feel, they hurt, they rejoice, but they
are all the same in their triumph....
I think of those I'll leave behind and the
pain comes more swiftly, but I can't cry,
I am beyond that... The tears won't run.
I wish they would... but now they only
come in my dreams............
do others feel this numbness,
This begotten scarring sensation,
a plaguing shadow that brews and then erupts
into a violent storm......
I feel so alone, so isolated
