Standing up right for you

by Kaila   Jun 13, 2008


As I close my eyes thoughts of you overwhelm me,
I wish they'd disappear, so I no longer ache with want.
I know you'd never fall in love for the type I am.
Please stop being so wonderful, because I am dying.

My heart is cracking and beating fast whenever you are near,
My tongue stands still for you are so beautiful, I am lost.
I feel as though if I died tomorrow no one would know.
That I'm secretly haunted by the spirit of you.

I breathe in your fragrance and my heart stops beating.
You look to me and smile not knowing how I feel.
Do you think I'd ever tell you, what would you say to me?
Too bad I'll never know, I'm quaking and I'm scared.

To look at you is to stare upon picture perfect want.
I shiver inside my thoughts waiting to look upon you again.
I will be sealed to this spot where you once stood.
Maybe you could turn the corner and stand within me.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Dawn aka Dominique

    Another strong and emotinal poem and I love the title "Standing up right for you" That's was just the cherry on top of the Ice-Cream Sundae.

    The flowed was okay too, it was just a touch off in the second stanza, but other than that Great Work 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The flow is flawless as all of your poems have been that I have read this ne is especially romantic and reflects a gret dealof passionate desire
    I enjoyed reading this one very much

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Ah, now this one -- this one is beautiful. But for some reason, I thought it should be "stand with me" instead of "within me." But then you speak of being haunted by the spirit ... so I guess that makes more sense. I don't know, sort of lost at the choice of word, but either way, I adored this piece.

    It portrays less imagery compared to your other pieces, but it's so straightforward yet so deep all the same. You speak the words that often showcases the cliches that I tend to abhor, but you do it in a sort of ... subtly magical way that it doesn't irk me to the point of insanity.

    The way you ended was absolutely striking. It's a beautiful concept -- a portrayal of a lost person waiting in the same spot for an old memory to return. That's how I saw it anyway.

    Beautifully done .
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 16 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    First of all I just want to say that I LOVED the ending. Pow! [: Again, this is well written, fluid, full of raw emotion, and (gasp) relatable. I myself have had this narrative in my head before, and I know many other people have to. You have a knack for love poetry that is so sincere and sweet.

    Good job!

  • 16 years ago

    by yblehs

    This poem has convinced me to add you to my favorites!!!!! =]
    I think you deffinately captured the want you have for this special someone
    "As I close my eyes thoughts of you overwhelm me,
    I wish they'd disappear, so I no longer ache with want.
    I know you'd never fall in love for the type I am.
    Please stop being so wonderful, because I am dying."

    ^i loved that stanza...i can really relate and i couldnt have said it in better words of my own...this is strong and rightly gets a 5/5 from me...This poem breaths excellence!!!!
    I like how your lines are long but still have a brilliant flow...simply fantastic

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