I think this starts out really well, but then the first verse's rhyme sequence changes . . the second verse starts out well too, the line "as a battle this illness" doesnt really seem to fit. the third verse could flow better . . basically i'd say my overall suggestion is to rhyme if you're going to rhyme. cause this spontaneous going back and forth isnt working so well. now that i've said all of the negative, i love the first verse, and the whole thing has a ton of great lines throughout it. hope my suggestions did more good than harm - i really dont want to hurt anyone's feelings, just give my honest opinion
~Claire

This poem was beautiful. it held so much emotion and meaning. a great flow and very expressive. i loved every word. job well done. keep it up! 5/5.

-Ashlei.

Amazing... 5/5