Hmm. Okay. I think this was a good poem, again. But it lacks things poetically. Challenge yourself and make the poem rhyme, put the lines into stanzas, use a unique format possibly, use puncuation.. that sometimes helps w/ the flow as well. Try using more descriptive words so that you have amazing imagery so that the reader can picture what you're writing. I'm not going to downvote you at all, because I think people just immediatly think that someone is a bad writer right from the start when they write their first poem. But, I don't think that. I think you could use a lot of improvement. You'll learn as you move on with your poetry. Look at the poetry discussions. They have contests.. they have a discussion board specifically for writing poetry, and there are soooo many tips! You'll do a wonderful job in writing. :) Keep workin on some new poems, 5/5

Ok im not one for flow and the whole rhyming scheme all that i was reading was a wonderfully dark and poetic piece that captures ur imagination and makes u wonder about that little girl and if its a dream or not!!..its wonderful and i really enjoyed it!!

keep it up and i hope to read more like it soon
good luck take care
bree

plz read and comment on any of my poems!
any that catch ur fancy :D