A Shadow at Sunset

God, I love punctuation. Almost as much as I love metaphors. And this had both!

The ending of this poem couldn't have been better. It felt a little abrupt but it made you think about the double meaning behind the not liking heat at night thing.

The beginning of this started up a little slow, perhaps if it rhymed it would pull the reader in a little more, but that isn't a major issue, just something to think about in the future.
Actually, you have the ability to gradually create an even flow without the use of rhyme or propper structure, which is a rare attribute and, I find, is (mostly) only possessed by a 'true poet'. [I'm sorry all these comments sound really corny, I really do such at complimenting work without sounding like a suck up.]

The indifference in this (though laced with melancholy) is what really stands out to me. I love the seemingly apathetic tone taken by the narrator to describe the man and plot.
"It was a waste, really."
Such a pretty, pretty line. While taking this literally as buying new clothes being a waste now that he's probably going to kill himself, it has a double meaning that nothing is ever really worth it, it's all just a waste.

In short, I like this. Not as much as Blind and Hazy, but I still like it. 5/5, good job, kid.

"His black silhouette was a shadow
Against the beginning sunset.
The waves snaked up to his feet,
Gripping him, holding him tight.
He did not want to leave."

^^ I love this opening, the imagery is beautifully portrayed and pulls me right into the poem, however I don't think you need "the" on the third line, I think it works just as well without.

"He thought that, maybe,
If he looked far enough out to sea,
Could he possibly see his future?
He hoped so, since any minute now
The sea would be just that."

^^ I'm really enjoying this, you manage to capture so much emotion and sincereity within each line.

"He peeled off his jacket and smelled it:
An image of his mother crept into his mind.
As the last remaining fragments of
Her perfume still lingered on the fabric;
She had hugged him goodbye."

^^This is so sad, again the emotion you capture is incredible, and it pulls on the reader's heartstrings.

"He didn't look back as he walked.
The water was cold, freezing even,
But he didn't care.
He didn't much like the heat,
Especially at night. "

^^I love this closing, so full of melancholy but at the same time so beautifully written.

I really enjoyed this piece, I found it to very unique.

This poem leaves much to the imagenation. So many things could have happened to the man at sunset. It's how we read into the story that counts.

I really liked the way that you put this poem together.
Thank you for the read.

This was just wow. When I first started reading it, I thought it was going to just be a nice poem, with good imagry, but as I read more and understood what was happening, it just made hairs stand up on my body. I've often daydreamed [?] about just walking out into the ocean. Wondering what it would be like. Weird, I know.. I'm just like that. Haha. I loved how you worded this where you could see clearly the picture of him standing on the beach, and how you didn't just tell what he was doing, but you told what he was thinking. You let the reader see into his mind and thoughts, which made it more real.

-----> He didn't look back as he walked.
The water was cold, freezing even,
But he didn't care.
He didn't much like the heat,
Especially at night.
`` Oh my gosh. That last line.. I loved how it seemed like this was nothing to him. Like he wasn't even thinking about what was going to happen when he walked out into the water. It was so chilling. Almost like.. he was numb. I know that feeling all too well, so I could relate.

This was simply amazing. I really don't think I would change anything. ><

Wonderful job! x]

Keep writing!
Cayce

Oh! I remember reading this! It was nominated for this week's weekly contest, no? I found it quite interesting, but didn't comment because I didn't really know what to say. But I'll give it a try now:

He thought that, maybe,
If he looked far enough out to sea,
Could he possibly see his future?
He hoped so, since any minute now
The sea would be just that.
`What a haunting verse. I found it absolutely stunning the way you worded it--I may be wrong, but this made me think he was going kill himself; something related to death, and the intertwining of his future and the sea being that... Brilliant.

AH, I still find myself speechless... Since I can't fully comprehend the piece, and yet I sort of can. I felt like, you did an amazing job. You create straight imagery--it's blatant, and nothing really to it, but you also bring up emotion through each of your words and it's magnificent.

Your ending lines, I found extremely ... poignant. Since, I get the feeling he's about to dive into death, I like how you don't give reason for it. The readers are left wondering, what happens to him? Why is he here?

He didn't much like the heat,
Especially at night.
`And these make me think ... the heat is the warmth of dreams and memories that engulf us late at night. When it's quiet, and all we can do is think. We want peace, but when we think, we can't sleep. And he doesn't like the sweetness that lingers in his thoughts.
*shrugs.

Lovely piece, tho .
Very unique, I find .
..__MiNDYY