Lying here with you

As i lie right next to you here in this bed
I'm scared of the hatred that fills up my head
you don't seem realise how much i detest you
lieing there sleeping you don't have a clue

lieing on my back i clench my fists
wincing a little from the cuts on my wrists
how have i coped through all of these years?
cutting and drinking blocking my tears.

turning away from you i lie alone
not daring to move still as a stone
feeling the heat of you on my back
remembering the pain of the last attack.

i want to sleep but scared of my dreams
and even reality is not what it seems
one day your nice the next your not
who am i now cos iv forgot?

i lift up the pillow that my head once rested
remembering how my patience you tested
not in my right mind its then on your face
if your gone there will be no more disgrace

you start to struggle so i use more force
remembering them times i feel no remorse
the struggling stops your not moving
its my endurance I'm now proving

the mistakes you made now don't matter
my heart and body you can no longer shatter
because as you lie next to me here in this bed
the only difference is now your dead.