You Were There, But Then I Blinked

by BrokenREALiTy   Jun 19, 2008


[Sigh] -- a tired breath falls upon the aging wood,
that surrounds this dirtied window.
(My pale palms now broken in from all this waiting.)

"I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my only promise."

[Inhale] -- a single dandelion seed flies past,
embedding itself within the barren soil.
(I feel an urge to sneeze away the fluffy piece of grace.)

"Plant a seed of love and it will grow,
But only if you let it."

[Scream] -- another coupe that isn't yours steers by,
stifling the only surge of faith I've felt in weeks.
(Will this haughty voice ever leave my ears alone?)

"And sometimes I feel like you're smothering me;
I can't be with someone that doesn't think I'm good enough."

[Exhale] -- your enthralling scent invades my skin,
eroding away the last of any drive to stand.
(These tears will cry until my final disgrace.)

"And sometimes it's just because I'm near you,
That I can't seem to find the strength to breathe."
©20080527 Mindy Huang

**It was for a contest. I wrote it while staring at a dandelion. "Cute inspiration" as my sister put it. The irony is that I'm allergic to it :)

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by SoUrNameIsTia

    Great poem, i liked the sigh, scream, and stuff. 5/5

    ~tia

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Very well written...

    touching and beautiful...
    I like the way you have structured your poem... wonderfully describing each part...

    "[Exhale] -- your enthralling scent invades my skin,
    eroding away the last of any drive to stand.
    (These tears will cry until my final disgrace.)"

    ^^wow... so hearfelt...

    excellent write...
    keep writing...

  • 16 years ago

    by Dawn aka Dominique

    I love the starting topic and the format way that you wrote this poem. It's not really like other poem is written way different it seems like when it comes to poetry you like to go your own way and not follow the path of others

    That's a good thing be you people might like it
    I know i do so far...

    Great Work Keep up the inspiration btw No Negatives 5/5 Yes i did rate

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    I really enjoyed the inhale, exhale, scream, ect. parts it was different and creative. The quotes in this poem were also pretty original and I loved the pattern you seemed to have put all of this in. The last stanza was amazing for me! You rarely find poems with an ending that leaves you feeling relatable to the poem but you did it nice job!
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by GrapeliciousKoolAid

    Your visuals were great! It was so easy to picture everything that happened. Your poem was very well written and it was amazing how you could write a poem off of a tiny inspiration. 5/5 from me :)

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