While the smoke settles

Overall note for this poem, need to add a few more words to each line to capture the full meaning you are trying to portray.

the opening stanza was soft and surreal. it made you ease gently into the poem, made you comfortable and was very simple and easy to understand. i thought this was a highlight, not something that was bad, like too simple.

little confused about what fire dance is, but my imagination helped me think of what that would look like, which is a great technique you used. imagery. very powerful and masterfully used.

then the "anymore..."
this was tricky, i think that this word should have been with the sentence above it, due to by itself on the line then asking a question it just simply felt out of place.

this had so much potential. you capped it off really well. i must admit this was stunning, and my idea's are just for future thought when trying to get everything perfect. and i mean perfect.

5/5 David

Oh, goodness. This was beautiful. I loved it. The only thing that I wasn't particularly fond of is the fact that the rhyme wasn't constant. I think that throws off the flow a little bit when I read it.

"The tongues of fire dance
The smoke silently settles
Like ashes of fallen stars
Like ashes of rose petals"

^^ This was my favourite stanza. It says so much, in so few words. Wonderful.

``Briana

The soft moonless night
Will wipe away my tear
I promised not to cry
But why did it appear?
`` Hmm, maybe you could use a metaphor with tear? I only say this, because so meany people write poem with the word tear or tears in it, and it would just help to set your poem apart from all the rest. The last line kept me interested though.. I wanted to know what appeared.

Alone, on this bitter night
In this dormant forest
I'm burning my heart
On the flame of sorrows
`` Well.. forest and sorrows don't really rhyme, but truthfully I didn't even notice until I went back and looked at the stanza more closely. I also have a suggestion for the third line. How about changing it to something like this: My heart is ablaze. It's you choice though, I just think that my wording sounds a little more creepy.

The tongues of fire dance
The smoke silently settles
Like ashes of fallen stars
Like ashes of rose petals
`` Ahh, I know I'm making a lot of suggestions, but I'm not saying that your way isn't good. Okay? Don't get mad at me. >< I've already had one person get mad at me for making suggestions. Okay here's another one, in the second line instead of silently maybe try sofly or gently. I usually wouldn't like how you repeated "Like ashes of" in the last two lines, but I think it really works here. x]

There's no sound and no glow
Anymore... What is now left?
No tenderly-wild flames of love
But weak warmth of dead regrets
`` Looove the question in the second line! Oooh, and the word "tenderly-wild" in the third line. I always seem to love contradictions, and the one you used works amazingly in this poem. It really defines how love can be.

The smoke settles... But look...
what's here, on the land?
One petal, almost not demaged by the fire.
Carefully, i take it in my hand
`` Aww, I love the little glimmer of hope here. I don't think I've ever read a dark poem with a glimmer of hope in it. o.o Also, you need to capitalize the i in the last line. Just a little mistake though, I'm sure it was just a typo or something. x]

The sunset lightens the sky
And turns away the night.
One last petal of me heart,
one last chance to survive.
`` Aww, yay! Happy ending. I think this ending was really surprising since at the very beginning you never would have thought it would end happily. It works, though. I like it. In the third line, you've got another typo, me should be my. It's okay though. I make tons of typos, just make sure you go back and re-read it carefully to try to find all of them.

I loved this poem. You did a great job on it. x]

Keep writing!
Cayce

P.S. Go back and check some of you punctuation, I think you're missing some. :]

A very touching piece of amazing poetry. it was very inspiring and heartfelt. if i could write like this... well, i wish that i could..
the flow was a little off, as was the rhyme and there were a few spelling mistakes, but all in all, a very unique piece. an amazing read.
i enjoyed this piece immensely.

5/5

Keep Writing, lovely
As Always,
~NinjaGirl~

Sorry I meant it's one of the best poems I've ever read