I'll Break Yours If You Break Mine

by BrokenREALiTy   Jun 20, 2008


This is the final evaluation: You hand me the questionnaire.
Attempted lies decline to part, leaving queries in the air.
These violent tears begin to stain our memories;
As you look at me with contradicting cries.
Simple stutters escape my ashen lips,
As I burn our lost good-byes.

My pen refuses to move without you, completely paralyzed;
Your face invades my privacy, overtaking my tattered mind.
I can feel this pungent scent begin to strangle me,
But I refuse to breathe in these tragic reveries.
I dent your heart but you break mine;
All that's left is apologies.
©20080116 Mindy Huang

**I wrote this back in January. Didn't find it until today while cleaning out my journals.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Okay first off I loved the title. It captured my attention which is good :]

    1st Stanza:
    The flow here was flawless. Your rhymes came so naturally and didn't seem to be forced on fit. I loved the beginning two lines because they were so different and had me questioning how this poem would turn out.

    "Simple stutters escape my ashen lips,
    As I burn our lost good-byes."

    ^These last two lines of this stanza were heartbreaking and your described it so effortlessly. Your descripion and details was amazing in creating this scene "Simple stutters" and "ashen lips" were beautifil in expressing how you feel and I loved how it sounded when I read it out loud.

    Second Stanza:
    Wow that first line is so powerful and I could just feel what you were saying. Now that he is gone you no longer feel the inspiration to write again. Perfect transtition sentence from first stanza to second stanza. I loved how different this was from the first stanza because its filled with his haunting images and how you just can't let go. He's everywhere to you and you just can't break free. Been there felt that...

    "I dent your heart but you break mine;
    All that's left is apologies."
    ^Perfect ending. I loved the dent and break different because it was just described so beautifully.

    I would not change one thing about this...everything was just perfect. Well done *5/5*

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