Comments : Music Drowns the Words You Speak

  • 16 years ago

    by H E Losey

    Third stanza fourth line "choke on".
    Fourth stanza third line "couldn't" to "could not".
    First stanza second line "Shrouding the frail wounds that conceal your perfect skin"
    I almost always think there are words that can be omitted.
    I enjoyed this read also and think I understand it, at least in my way of interpreting it.
    As always an opinion.

  • 16 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Ah gosh, music and love. What a beautiful combination. :) As soon as I read the title for this, I was ecstatic!

    "Nimble fingers strum across the strings of your guitar,
    As years of faltered love begin to pour from your scenic lips."

    ^^ These two lines got me interested straight away. I love the image of someone playing a guitar. It's so... common these days, and yet despite this fact, your words keep it pure.

    "Wear these notes upon your sleeve and whisper love,
    But don't you look at me when you start to serenade.
    Your worthless banter couldn't save you twice;
    So why would I want your recycled dreams?"

    ^^ Such a wonderful stanza and perfect ending. [I love poems that end on a question. ;)] At first I wasn't sure of the word "banter" in here, as I felt it was a little too harsh against the others - but after reading it over again, I like it.

    Excellent, my dear. =)

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Okay loved the title as usual :]

    1st Stanza
    What stood out to me in this stanza was your flawless use of words and the beautiful images you painted in my mind. The words you used were refreshing and new which made it that much more interesting to read.

    "As years of faltered love begin to pour from your scenic lips."
    ^I loved that line. It was just so poetic and flawless. Beautiful

    2nd Stanza:
    Loved this stanza. The refrences to lighting his heart on fire was flawless and I loved how detailed you were in describing this scene. I could truly feel everything you expressed with your words.

    3rd Stanza:
    Oh boy do I know the feeling of holding on to the past and not being able to let go. But what I've learned is if we hold on to the past for too long than we ignore the good things happening to us right now. I loved your descriptions here...beautiful.

    4th Stanza:
    I love the last line! Beautiful way of ending this flawless piece. The message behind it was deep and one I had to think to comprehend which was great! Nicely said my dear.

    I truly did adore this piece although I know you've written better yet this was still amazing. Well done *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    First off, the title is amazing.. I absolutely loved it. :]

    "These velvet words have become your wary barricade,"
    - - Wow. Excellent word choice.. "velvet words.." Velvet is perfect. It makes me think of words that are softly expressed and sweet.

    "Nimble fingers strum across the strings of your guitar,
    As years of faltered love begin to pour from your scenic lips."
    - - I absolutely love how you described this so well. You used some amazing vocabulary. These lines were just worded absolutely perfectly.

    "How much longer can you hold onto ancient memories?"
    - - Oh, I love this. I love how you use the word ancient here. Unique.

    "{Upsets my stomach and makes me stutter,
    But the only words I ever choke are those of fancy.)"
    - - I love how you make a little side noteish kind of thing here, it helps the reader understand more deeply as to how the author feels. Well done.

    "So why would I want your recycled dreams?"
    - - Recycled dreams. That wow'd me. That was a wonderful word to use.

    Overall, this poem is so amazing. I love the vocabulary you used, it was such a descriptive poem with such words that you used. Everything was worded oh-so-perfectly and it all fit in very well with the title.. "Music Drowns the Words you Speak." What a wonderful write, my dear. :] Great job, 5/5.