Without A Trace...

by Darlena   Jun 20, 2008


I wrote this poem for a class assignment a couple of days ago. I'm unsure about it actually. In my opinion, I think it isn't a good poem. But whatever read on... Thank u. i GUESS IT MORE OF A STORY ACTUALLY!

On a cold winter day, I stand there lonesome by a rushing river
I soon become fearsome of the endless triggering thoughts blazing through my mind
I stood there in complete silence while feeling so numb and unwanted
I soon became so weakened as I suddenly collapsed on a cold concrete
My head started spinning in a whirl of daze and pain shot through my entire body
My eyes closed shut while my existence seemed to fade away without a single trace

I suddenly appeared into a bleak, terrifying nightmare
I stumbled across a shattered mirror; I slowly looked into it and didn't even recognize my own reflection
When I closed my eyes, then open them once more rain started to pour down on me
Suddenly I began travel through a dark never-ending alley that appeared before my eyes
I continually cried out for help, but yet all I could hear was my echo
I started to go through self-destruction, and felt so that my negative thoughts defeated over my hope

My head was hidden in so much confusion
My heart sped rapidly as the rain continued to increase
I felt myself internally dying from the agonizing pain
The cold tears fell from my drained eyes as I slowly started to die
I began to search for a better life with everlasting hope
I fell to my knees praying for a miracle to guide me

The cold temperature of the concrete awoken me from the horrifying nightmare my mind traveled through
The natural atmosphere comes to surface as I rose from the ground
I heard millions of birds chirping, the flow of the river, and the sound of the wind
I smiled a joyous smile for an instant
My terrifying thoughts no longer crossed my mind
I asked for a miracle to erase my fears
I now feel so blessed and hopeful

TELL ME WHAT U THINK. YES, I KNOW THE LiNES ARE MAD LONG, OK. SO DON'T POINT THAT OUT. THATS JUST HOW I WRITE. COMMENT&RATE PLEASE!

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  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This was more of a story, than a poem. It was very descriptive and used a ton of imagery.. but I think that you should make it into more of a stanza-like format.. which would make it more like a poem.. Shorten up your lines.. and tada you have a poem. :] It's more of a story.. but if you want to keep it as a story.. just state it's a story.. because otherwise people will think it's a story and it shouldn't be posted here. =) Great work, 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Sora

    Wow an amazing poem...no poem has to rhym just to let you kno, bcuz it's coming from yer very heart and soul =]

    I suddenly appeared into a bleak, terrifying nightmare
    I stumbled across a shattered mirror; I slowly looked into it and didn't even recognize my own reflection
    When I closed my eyes, then open them once more rain started to pour down on me
    Suddenly I began travel through a dark never-ending alley that appeared before my eyes
    I continually cried out for help, but yet all I could hear my echo
    I started to go through self-destruction, and felt so that my negative thoughts defeated over my hope

    that's my favorite stanza!! and it is a wonderful poem/story. i lovedd it, and you should be proud of what you've written, it's beautiful!!

  • 16 years ago

    by MariaJose94

    Thanks for telling me to check it out! it is really good! i loved itt! congrats!

  • 16 years ago

    by The Lonely Rose

    Ummmm firstly, you should make a line of these thingy**** to seperate the poem and the A/N( authors notes...

    it seemed more of a story...a very sad story of coarse...The lines were pretty good but it just came together more of a story...

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