The Last Time

This is the last time...
I will pick up this knife.
This is the last time...
I will try to end my own life.

The world is hopeless and so are my dreams.
No reason for living, Death is on my team.

Many ways to go, but which should I pick...

A knife ; The sharp blade could cut through my flesh.
A bullet; So I won't suffer a long painful death.

Either way I don't think it matters.
After it happens I will truly be gone forever.

Wouldn't it be great to just get away?
Even if it was for a short moment in time.
It can truly be beautiful , this fake suicide.

So...

This is the last time...
I will pick up this knife.
This is the last time...
I will end my life.

Why can't it just be a fake suicide?