Oddly enough I enjoyed this write, who would have thunk it? It seems to need a bit of editing(in my opinion) to eliminate extranious words ie.:
"I spend my nights these days with your voice,
softly caressing my dreams as your beautiful whispers,
run across these silent kisses just ever so lightly.
(Oh, I yearn to reach your wandering shadow,
as it drives off into the sunset without me.)

I'm so lost without you;
words won't even come out right.
Your caustic cologne stalks me in my dreams,
( I reach out for calamity, but all I feel is you.)
I don't even mind that I'm stuck alone with you,
[Memory lane's better than living without us "
I know it is picayune but it seems to help my read. I don't care for words just for words, they mus be needed for some reason.
I guess the last line is OK, I couldn't come up with much better.
" Tired gasps escape my crying fears;
gentle screams embrace our tragic memories.
I promised you the world, and you stupid enough to believe.
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me,
the way we stare, never daring to speak."
As always an opinion.

It was very smooth up to this point
I promised you the world, and you stupid enough to believe.
I wondered if you're would work better there because I had to figure where to pause

I think you are much better with free verse than I could ever be, so I do not fill worthy to criticize anything here

I liked the end but this really wasnt one of your best, the poem was nice but i know you have far more talent for i have read several of your works and im positive youll write another masterpiece quite soon

The transistion here was iffy to me

I'm so lost without you;
words won't even come out right.
(THE TRANSISTION HERE)
Your caustic cologne stalks me in my dreams,
(I reach out for calamity, but all I feel is you.)
And I don't even mind that I'm stuck alone with you,
[Memory lane's better than living without us anyway.

also between these two lines

And I don't even mind that I'm stuck alone with you,
[Memory lane's better than living without us anyway.]

But truly i loved your last stanza

First off, you should add that line as the ending, I think that it is really effective and it represents great conclusion to this poem.

"[Memory lane's better than living without us anyway.]"
^^^
This line refuses to leave my thoughts, it is so powerful and memorable. I love it and I can deeply relate to it.
Whole poem sounds like it's written straight from the heart and I could truly feel your words in every single stanza. I like the flow of the whole poem, too, and the atmosphere that you created excellently portrayed emotions.

I have just one critique: there are too many "I", "you", "me" in the poem which ruined the rhythm on some places, but I guess that that's minor, because you have great choice of words from the beginning to the end and I think that this is one of those pieces that can touch the reader deeply, at least it truly touched me.
Keep up!

First of all I'd like to say thanks for the wonderful comment you left upon on of my pieces earlier this week. It was lovely.

This piece was really quite powerful. I actually enjoyed it and it's good to see that you're breaking that block you seemed to have going for awhile. I'm really glad that it's disapearing because you're starting to write some beautiful work, yet again. I read a few of yours piece but havn't had the time to comment so here goes.

Add that line, it was quite brilliant in my opinion. I think it fits perfectly to the ending. Insomnia does have a way with playing with words.

Again I know this has already been said to you but I have to agree the only thing that I wasn't so keen on within this poem was the fact you used quite alot of "I", "Me'" and "You" It just seemed a little too forced in areas when you were directing the poem towards someone. I believe that if you say it once or twice the reader will understand who it is being directed at, then again not all that read poetry can simply understand something so simple can they?

You used quite a contrast of words which is great to see. It helped along the emotion which seemed so rare and powerful. I felt this was written from the bottom of your heart and definitly etched into my soul...

A few lines stood out to be quite alot. Definitly the line you should add to the poem and also the one which Nyell said above. Something about these two lines grasped onto my mind. I adored them.

The only two lines which I really didn't like for some reason are:

I'm so lost without you;
words won't even come out right

The first one because it reminded me of Delta Goodrems song. Sorry if that sounds bias. & the second one I just didn't feel as though it fitted together.

Overall though this is beautiful. Really breath taking.

~Mel

Although this piece definitely isn't as good as your other poem that I just reviewed, I'm still in awe. You said you abhor this piece, and I strongly think you're being too harsh on yourself. This piece still clearly shows that you're an immensely talented writer. There's just a few things I feel I need to comment on:

"(Oh, how I yearn to reach your wandering shadow,
as it drives off into the sunset without me.)"

^^ I didn't like this piece. I find the whole 'drives off into the sunset' part to be really cliche and just... well, it could be better. I suggest scrapping that line and replacing it with something different, but of course, it's your work - your choice.

"I promised you the universe,
and you were stupid enough to believe."

^^ I really enjoyed these lines, as I feel it turned the whole poem around. I first thought, initially that it was the partner's fault. However, this line makes it appear that the narrator is at fault in the breakup of the relationship, as they talk of a promise that was broken. I like the contrast.

Nicely done.

"I'm so lost without you;
words won't even come out right."
-First of all, I love these lines. I have felt this way so many times. I have wanted that guy to be there with me, and I'm always lost without him. So right from the start, I know that I can already tell I have some small connection to your poem. :]

"(Oh, how I yearn to reach your wandering shadow,
as it drives off into the sunset without me.)"

"(I reach out for calamity, but all I feel is you.)
And I don't even mind that I'm stuck alone with you,
[Memory lane's better than living without us anyway.]"

-I loved these two things you put in your poem here. They are almost like side notes, I gues. Which is very unique I think. It adds to the uniquenes of your poem and the unique format, as well. Very impressive. :]]

"These burning tears refuse to wash away,
as these silent screams become lodged within my lungs.
(I yell so loud, but you don't even turn to look my way.)
And it hurts to know that if I hadn't found you,
you'd have discovered me by now.
[You just don't want to look for me anymore.]
--This stanza has some amazing word-choice. It is full of sadness, and true feelings! Wonderfully written, all together. XD

"I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me,
the way we stare but never dare to speak."
-Oh! Excellent! I can relate to these lines.. I know what it feels like to like someone, and have so many strong feelings, yet.. there is never very much communication. It literally does kill you inside.. It's like you want them to speak to you so badly, but all you do is stare at one-another.

There are absolutely no flaws in this poem, at all. I didn't see anything that was wrong with it.. AT ALL. It is soo amazing and filled with some amazing emotions. The format is unique in it's own way. Wow. This is just a really great poem, I related in my own way to it, which was very awesome.. because I enjoyed the poem that much more! Having a relation to your poem just made me realize that some of us are going through the same thoughts and emotions. Great work, hun!! Keep it up. Never stop writing. Ever. Ever. Ever... 5/5. :]]] Spectacular.. <3 .. Please R/C/C my new poem, "Two Lovers." - I'd appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

WOW!! this is deep =]
cologne...stalking me..
all the wrods in brackets...so strong.
the emotion is so deep.
this is beautiful ur an amzing writer =P
-luv angie