I never meant to scare you or bring you to tears
Never wanted you to know my worst fears
I have no excuse, no realization of what it did to you
Until now, I see what it put you through
I cannot explain why this happened
Cannot understand why I chose this sin
Cannot explain the irony of how it made real pain go away
I cannot explain this icy cold that I feel inside
I do not understand why I could not put this aside
Or why this is the only way to feel warmth
Because I can barely pick myself off the floor
So here is how it started, here is how I felt
I will never know how or if this will help
Darkness creeps in, overwhelming and terrifying
Emptiness comes next from the lack of crying
Nowhere to turn, nowhere to run
Still waiting for the tears to come
A sick feeling slowly sinks in and I now feel numb
And still the tears do not come
I run outside as the vomiting becomes uncontrollable
Trembling and aching, the pain becomes unbearable
I begin pacing, looking for anything to ease this pain
Anxiety takes over as I realize what I am about to do
Where is it? I must find it
Something, anything
And a warm crimson liquid trickles down my skin
I have finally given in
My body is not clean, not pure anymore
And it is with this thought that the tears finally pour
I can feel the darkness surrounding me
And I hit the ground trembling
You walk in and catch me by surprise
The pain intensifies as I see the tears well up in your eyes
I cry out help me
But now you have to leave
What have I done?
Now you feel like you are not enough
Please don't go, please don't cry
And please please don't ask why
I reach for you asking you to understand
And all you reply is, I don't think I can.
