Puppet on a string

Sometimes I just cant take this place
and its my life that I
have started to hate.
I have lead a life which
much that was a waste.

making decisions in my darkest hour
when I have been vulnerable
and alone and haven't been able to call the
place I live a home.

Its like something just comes over me and
I cant seem to deal.
I feel like a puppet on a string
and cant seem to motivate or
give reason for
the pain I feel.
And it breaks me down
sometimes to the extent that
I go insane from
the immortality of
my mundane pain.

I feel diseased
like there is no cure...
I'm fighting a battle,
a losing war.
I cause myself to fall from
grace and when I look in the
mirror can't stand to see the lies shown in
my drowning sorrow filled
eyes.

And the pain just breaks me down
to an extent that I go insane
and cant continue this mundane pain.
Flirting with suicide
has become a ritual
I no longer attempt to hide.
My secrets out and I can't deny
some days I feel the
urge to end my pain filled life.

It seems that
no matter how I try
it just never ends.
Can't somebody help me,
I'm starting to bleed...
I just hit a vain.
My memories fading.
I feel so ashamed.

I am nothing...
I'm inside somebody...
not myself.
I'm acting and living in a world
that is my cell.
My secluded home...
the one thats hurt me,
the one thats brought tears to my eyes.
Its made my
wrists cry tears of blood.

People often wonder
why do I cut
but I don't have any other way to cope
with the pain I face each day.
They don't understand that
each cut is
another cry for help...
Can't you see
I'm asking for help to save myself...