Uhm ok let me see

i would say nice story and extreeem feeligns
btu i would not call it a good one becasue :

1 you need more rhyming
2 you need structure your stanzas to be like same lengh and type
3 the poem tooo long !
you need to telll the readder more in less words
the imagination fo teh reader will fillin the gaps

ik hope i helped
i wotn vote it now
till i see if you will fix or not