I think this would make an excellent alternative sad song..I dunno if You ever have heard of Fergie's Big Girls Dun Cry..That version i think suits your song.

"But now you're in here arms"
-Here should be her. :)

Aw. This poem/song was sad. =\ I bet many could relate to the feeling of losing a boyfriend or girlfriend, and all the pain they go through with a broken heart nad then realizing you are now all alone. wow, what an excellent piece... 5/5.

I like this. It was bittersweet. It dealt with the pain of heartbreak. And alot of us could relate. Keep up the good writing

But on the title insteal of 'fell' it should be 'feel'

Beautiful poem, great job! 5/5

This was good. I've gotta tell you -- I'm not a fan of making "critiques" on songs, because I don't write them, so I don't know what kind of emotion goes into them.

But I think if I were to hear these lyrics in a song on the radio, I would love them. It's a sad story, of a lost love -- something that pretty much everyone can relate to.

5/5

``Briana

I liked this song very much. I use to write songs all the time, i hardly do that or write poems i dont know why but anyways I really would love to hear the beat to this and what not =] but let me know if you finish this because i would love to read it.

keep it up.
keep on writing.
love always and forever.