Let the Ocean swallow You whole [Prose]

by BlueEyedMystery   Jun 26, 2008


Darkness fills my vision.

Tranquil.

Gasping for life has passed. There's just me and my thoughts. [You were supposed to save me.] My body has gone numb from the ice that surrounds it. [Why did you leave me here alone?]

The sharp pain in my chest has changed to a dull ache. It's comforting. [At least I know this isn't a dream]

I imagine this is how it feels to fly. Weightless. The rush of falling. But that wasn't it at all. Just a trick my mind was playing on me.

[I wonder if you'll miss me.]

Stars. Twinkling in the darkness, night lights to keep the monsters out.

Thoughts are slipping away. The ache in my chest has stopped. I can feel the water fill my lungs. It's odd. Nothing should be able to reach so far into your body to caress your most inner parts.

[I forgive you..] Heart stops beating.

They say drowning is one of the worst ways to die...

...but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

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I haven't written anything in a while so this is just to get my creative juices flowing again. XD

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Ash

    WOW! This was definately something very different, unique in every sense and yet I enjoyed the feelings that you were able to convey. It's a really powerful piece of work and I'm actually spellbound by what was written here.
    The opening was good and I like the way you first talk about the darkness and the next line just says : "Tranquil" - kinda reminds me of the silence before the storm.

    I also really enjoyed the way you first say:
    "[I wonder if you'll miss me.] "
    and then "[I forgive you..] " - just emphasises your pain and also a part of forgiveness that is so hard to do.

    Really I think that this is a superb write! 100/5

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Ooh . I liked it . There were just two points that bothered me :

    monsters away.

    Thoughts are slipping away.
    `use of away right after another . Same goes for before it, the use of "falling." but they're pretty light things.

    [You were suppose to save me.]
    `supposed*

    But seriously, I really adored this . It's not written in poetry format, but I read it as a piece. I just pretended you forgot to press enter :)

    I like the use of brackets -- it's effective, and I read them as a whisper; a taunting one that's not angry, really, just curious--wandering.

    I imagine this is how it feels to fly. Weightless. The rush of falling.
    `I think I actually shivered right here, and at the end (love your end by the way, but I'll get to that later ;]) It's sort of ... dazzling, the way this gives the words freedom. I can practically feel the wind in my face.

    I can feel the water fill my lungs. It's odd.
    `This whole piece is calming, relaxed. So when I got to this part, and I was reading it with a chill sort of ambiance, it was really potent . Like, water filling my lungs? What? Wouldn't you be freaking out and not just thinking "It's odd." But then I find the sort of ... irony really beautiful. 'dunno. Maybe I'm just weird.

    And your ending ... grawrr' I totally spaced out on what I was going to say about it. It's so simple, but I found it stunning. Your words just flowed, and they seemed to be effortless.

    You write some charming things without really trying :)

    ..__MiNDYY

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