Not a poem, just thoughts going through my head.. ='[

Have you ever wished that you could just run far far away, hoping that people will forget about you so you can end it all without hurting the ones around you?

I walk up to the busy road and all that is going through my mind is "just keep walking, don't stop don't look if theres a car or whatever coming, if you get hit...good, if not then bad luck" but theres always something that makes me stop at that curb and makes me think, what am i doing? Why am i thinking this?

& i feel fine when your with me but then the longer you haven't been there its like the more i slip away into that depression i hate so much. Nothing will cheer me up, i start avoiding people, trying to make excuses to stay at home and not go out to see you which just makes me worse. I want to see you, but I'm afraid that I'll break down in front of you and tell you that I'm not OK that i just want to scream my lungs out and cry all the tears i keep holding back for so long, to tell you that sometimes when I'm with you at night when we sleep i just lay there and silently cry because i feel worthless and useless.

To tell you and others around me that the random cuts that keep appearing everywhere on my body are not from "at work" or " i actually don't have a clue where thats came from i only just noticed it" but to scream at you that they came from me! I did them, to relieve of the pain.
The promise i made to my best friend not to do it again has been broken for so long but she still doesn't no its broken.
& when you do those random quizzes on things such as my-space, and they ask do you have a secret no-one else knows? I just want to scream yes!! this is my secret! but what am i so afraid of? I guess i don't want to hurt the people around me more than I've already hurt myself.

It hurts to know that she doesn't give a damn, only when it suits her. She'll try to be all nicey nice to you, win you over, say sarcastic things to make you turn against other people around you.
What she doesn't realize is that the guy she left her husband for is a complete idiot. He's a liar and is only with her for her husbands money, she spends it all on him, a bit on her son, then a bottle of perfume for her daughter...so shes lived with me for 17 years then a few months away from me and she doesn't give a crap no more? Does it mean nothing to her?!

Can't people see I'm not happy? Can they not tell i haven't been myself for a year or more now?!
Surely they should have guessed something.
Isn't anyone trying to help? I've tried helping myself, trying to forget that hidden feeling, but it doesn't work i cant stop it and i cant hide it.
I guess theres nothing more i can do, but to just wait.
Sit here and dream about not being here no more, just aimlessly carrying on with this so called life...