Oh wow.. this is the best poem i've read tonight.its really sad. and i just love it!

"Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame."

^^amazing ending.. left me speechless.

great job.5/5

This is a lot like my poem Nobody I added a long time ago. Good read good read.

This one was my kind of length.

5/5

Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame.

that is creative. but it is truly sad.
i loved the honesty this shows about how things work sometimes.

my favorite stanza was

Lost alone, broken & unsewn.
Her heart has been stomped on.
Taken away, her love is today.
She's left laying on the front lawn.

it was perfectly worded. my heart broke when i read this piece.
wonderful job!
you have true talent

Lexie

Awww this is really sad....I don't have typos but I really liked this one

I see in the first line you use &. I would just write it out. We all tend to do that in our writing, and it stands out if it's the only &. and the other and's are actually spelled out. Okay, but anyway... another style or form of writing.. whatever you wanna call it. Again, use a thesarus [sp] some words were just too simple, and could be more interesting. Synoyms are really good when you use them. I recommend you use better words. To me, some things were worded almost kinda weird. But that's okay. I dont' think there is any reason to point them out, because we all write differently and I know that poeple would tell me to word things differently as well.. but it's just the way we say things. Ummm, the title was used very nicely, I loved how you used it towards the end of the poem. That was nice and unique on your part. Hmmmm, a interesting form of writing. I enjoyed it. I give you credit for trying one of these forms, because I would never be able to sit down and write with a already given form, it just wouldn't work for me. I'd get way frustrated.. and along with all the rhyming as well.. Not for me! lol. Anyways, it rhymed nicely.. I just think you could use some more descriptive words to draw the reader into your poem more. 5/5

Wow, a triaquatrain?? or however you say it. I've never heard of it before. Very interesting though. This poem was an excellent one. And as the commenters before me have said, you really do have true talent. You use words that really hit the soul, and especially in the way you use it. Keep writing, and don't ever loose this way of writing! 5/5

I really liked this poem alot. To me its not like a regular poem of how this person lost the one they loved, they kill themselfs and then everyone is wondering why and crying all the time, the ending was changed of no one really didn't care all that much, its saying it her fault and it was her choice no one else, to even feel guilty that they should've stopped her. thats what i got out of this poem and its really sadly emotion also.

keep it up.
keep on writing.
love always and forever.

This was really good! I've never tried to write a triquatrain (and I probably won't even attempt it! lol), but you make it look super easy, and I'm sure it wasn't! I loved it. I really liked the first stanza; it was pretty to me. The ending got me though, made me sad. :)

Im not the biggest fan of "formed" poetry, if thats the right word, because i feel that i sometimes limits the true passion and language that the writer is trying to project, but i think you did a superb job on this!, the first stanza drew me in.... and the rest of the piece smoothly (and sadly), flowed very well..a very nice read, good job!
john

----------> Nothing left anymore, he's out the door.
`` Okay, I didn't like the last half of this line. It sounded a little forced to me, but it may just be me. Haha. I'm weird like that sometimes, so if you like it, keep it. :]

----------> She's not missed, no one is pissed.
`` LMAO. This part probably isn't meant to be funny, but the "no one is pissed" part, just made me laugh. It's good though, I like it. Since this poem is a sad one, it gives you a break from all the gloom. :]

I've never written a Triquatrain before, but it looks pretty complicated. I give you huge props for even completing one. Hehe. And there was only that one line that seemed forced, I probably would have like all the lines seeming forced. Okay, I'm just rambling now, but great job! I enjoyed reading it! x]

Keep writing!
Cayce

This triquatrain form makes this poem so not common.... short sentences reflect the emotion so well. i loved the last stanza:
Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame.

great write:)

Very nice indeed. The rythem was just right. It's sad to know the truth of the emptiness left behind by hurricane love. Yet letting it out through words help relieve the pressure of the heart and brings pleasure to the hearts of those that suffered a similar fate. I thank you for your poem.

This structure of poem was definitely beautiful. And by-the-way thanks for introducing "Triquatrain rhymes". A new thing for me. *smiles*

This poem is sad. I felt this poem is like a song. I mean, I felt nearli like singing when I was reading, my lyrics for some band ;)

Rhytm was good and words were nice. I think I was accepting longer poem. I felt maybe you could have said more or something.

I think this was very nice part of poem
What is she to do?
Aching heart, now they're apart.
And she's left herself too.

I like the expression "she's left herself too".

Good job. Keep on writing.

Briana, this is a great piece. Allow me to read it properly now..

Lost, alone, broken and unsewn
^ What a great opening line. It describes inflicted pain and a rawness that hasn't healed.

Dead inside, to her he lied.
And she won't be okay.
^ His lies, broken promise have scored an unhealing scar, which is permanent, unrecoverable?

Her eyes tear, she's with fear.
She can't go on this way.
^I like the rhyme and its meaning too. Fearing the painful emotional journey ahead. So, much dread that suicide seems the less painful option, the easy way, even?

Nothing left anymore, he's out the door.
What is she to do?
^With his leaving, he has taken all hope of happiness, leaving a hopeless feeling of dispair.

Aching heart, now they're apart.
And she's left herself too.
^Reiterating the fact that a heart is torn with his absense. She is unable to function, even on a basic level.

Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
^ This last stanza suggests healing, anger and resentment for his act of unkindness. She is beginning to move on.

She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame.
^Even though she is coming to terms with her loss, she realises, or suspects that their loss is not felt in the same way. A wonderful cold end to a powerful poem.

This is a technical poem, executed superbly well. Great imagery throughout which portrays the emotional content so vividly.

Well done

Michael

Taken away, her love is today.
She's left laying on the front lawn.
^Great image of love being a material thing, then discarded, like rubbish on the lawn, ready now for the dustbin men.

Her heart has been stomped on
^ So graphic. I imagine a vengeful shoe stamping on this hallowed organ.

I am glad you put that lil' piece of info in at the end cuz i was a lil confused while i read it as to what the rhym scheme was but onec i looked at that i went back and read it agian and understood completely.

Lost alone, broken and unsewn.
Her heart has been stomped on.
Taken away, her love is today.
She's left laying on the front lawn.
^^
i can almost feel the pain of the woman in this part...losing what is dear to her and lying in pain unable to do anything

Dead inside, to her he lied.
And she won't be okay.
Her eyes tear, she's with fear.
She can't go on this way.
^^
i can also feel the desperation that she feels in her mind , i can see her thinking about ways to die all because of this guy

Nothing left anymore, he's out the door.
What is she to do?
Aching heart, now they're apart.
And she's left herself too.
^^
this is my fav part cuz it shows what the powers of love can do to a person when they suddenly lose it.

Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame.
^^
this part hit me the hardes cuz it makes the reader think that no one loved her other than that one guy and now that he is gone there is no one left to care about what happend to her and why.

this poem was very well writen and with you being a grammer freak as you told me i can understand how there is no mistakes in this poem and that only makes the poem that much stronger in my eyes.

Oh wow hun this was truly deep and had me hooked from the beginning. I could feel everything you expressed and I know that it came straight from your heart. I loved this style because everything just flowed nicely and nothing seemed forced. Well done *5/5*

I was expecting it to be longer but, it worked.The beginning of this poem didn't really catch my attention but, towards the middle, I got more into it.I think that you should've used more expressive words instead of just the plain and basic vocabulary.Your rhyme and flow was off in some parts but, nothing major.All in all, it was a nice poem.

--amber--

A very sad piece of poetry. it was written very well and it flowed together brilliantly when i read it. the rhyme, i have to say, was absolutely amazing. i love how to wrote this piece.

"Nothing left anymore, he's out the door.
What is she to do?
Aching heart, now they're apart.
And she's left herself too.

Now she's gone, she was just a pawn.
In his stupid little game.
She's not missed, no one is pissed.
What a crying shame."

^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
My two favourite stanzas :)

it was very well written. a sad but fantastic read

Keep Writing, hun
As Always,
~NinjaGirl~

Well done......... great poem........ keep it going =)