Reminiscence Part1: Remember When (595)

by NinjaGirl   Jun 28, 2008


Reminiscence Part1: Remember When

[[From the view of a boy reminiscing about their lost love]]

Remember when we were friends?
Remember when we told each other everything?
Remember when you came to me?
Remember when you cried?
Remember when you told me
That your boyfriend had dumped you?
Remember that I held you close
And stroked my fingers through your hair?
Remember when I whispered in your ear
That he was an idiot for letting you go?
Remember when I kissed your cheek?
Did you know that I didn't want that to end?
Do you remember when you calmed down
And kissed my cheek?
Remember how I shivered
And you asked if I were cold?
Did you know that I would cherish that moment
Because those words came from your lips?
Remember when you asked how my mother was
And I told you she had died?
Do you remember how I cried?
Do you remember how you comforted me
And through my tears I whispered how, for you, I would try?
Did you know that, my baby girl?
Remember when I kissed your forehead
And you drifted off to sleep?
Do you remember that I stayed awake all night long
Just to watch you sleep?
And did you know that I whispered as you slept?
Did you know that I whispered three little words?
That I could never let you hear for real
Because you didn't feel the same way...
Did you know how much I love you?

©opyrighted by ~NinjaGirl~

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Cody B

    Good write, loved the emotion. I have a new poem posted finally...Read an comment would be appreciated!

  • 16 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    It is such a heart touching. It touch my sould
    good job,

  • 16 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    This was pretty sweet. I liked the imagery you created with lines such as:

    "Remember when I kissed your forehead
    And you drifted off to sleep?"

    ^^ It's like flashbacks into a beautiful relationship, one not ready to be forgotten. However, I didn't like the repetition of some lines, especially the ones at the beginning. Over-done repetition kind of gives off the impression that the writer can't come up with anything else to say - a bad thing. I'm not saying this is you, but I'm saying this is what certain kinds of repetition implies. Just be careful.

    It was a sweet poem, which I did enjoy.

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Wow, this poem was excellent. but, it lacks word-choice. it was pretty simple for me.. it flowed nice though.. so I guess I wouldn't change it too much. just pick up a thesarus and change a few words and make them more interesting I guess.... other than that, i think you did a good job. emotions were kind of there, but not extremely out there. maybe work with that as well. I guess I agree mostly with what blond genius said.. it is a okay poem, but it could be stronger! i know you can do it, im sure you have the potential. great work tho, 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    That was very sweet and touching. it shows the soft side of a boys heart.
    i had a few stumbling s at odd places but those just added character.
    this could use a bit of re-vocabularianism. stronger wording and more emotion would make this perfection.
    good job!

    Lexie

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