My girlfriend

I loved this poem cuz it makes me think bout me and mines(boyfrend dat is) and instead of ur grl critizing it she betta b lucky most guys dnt speak der heart at all so grl u gt a gud 1 keep him lol bye love da poem

Okay babe. I have never commented a poem that was about me so haha. Here it goes.

I am not thick loser. But I like that you used that because it gives a good picture. Which is lovely when reading a piece of poetry. I think your opening stanza captures the readers attention and makes me want to read more. [Even though I have already read this]

One thing I didn't like was using the word kind two times in a row. Kinda threw me off a bit. I love the use of ... in the third line of the second stanza. Great imagery :]

Aww, so adorable. Your story line is continuous and tells an amazingly sweet story of our love. Haha. Your flow is smooth and although your rhyme is not consistent, it has a nice effect on the piece.

I can tell why this is in the slang category now :] Haha. But I like that you used the ' and you used it correctly my love. The third line of the fourth stanza, wow. I love the grammar you used :] Beautiful my dear. I don't understand what you mean by take that hit though... Hmm. Great stanza though.

I like the way your ryhme just continues even though there is a break in the poem. It keeps the flow, well it keeps it flowing. Nice thing I might add. You make me smile babe. Haha. I like this stanza :]

You ended the piece perfectly and truly captured the whole slang yet love feel. I like that. I like it a lot. Overall, there is a few things that could be fixed. But a nice piece my love. Great job ^.^

4.5
Amber.

Amazing use of words it runs deep and tachs the heart

Simple and nice... ^_^