Perfect Picture

by The Tay   Jul 1, 2008


The day you said forever
Was the day i gave my heart
It was a perfect picture
Today it fell apart

I hold back the tears
For i want no one to see
That this once so perfect
Has just ended suddenly

I blankly live each day
Every memory I dread
As for that oh-so-perfect picture
It's meaning is now dead

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    Okay
    wow
    i like your style and this was really good writing.
    but i have some pointers
    a* change up the wording so it's not so typical. this is love. love is spicy and flavored. so make it taste good.
    b* don't force rhymes. when they sound forced it changes the manor of the piece. i think some rhymes seem forced here.
    c* you have raw talent. make this longer so it sounds more efficient and has a larger impact.
    wonderful writing overall!

    Lexie

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