Let the Moon Hear Your Wishes

"It's gotten a little cold out,
[The wind chill now bites me skin,
Like a lovers kiss that once grazed my neck],
And I have flashbacks, visions
Of a life that once was my utopia."

-Hmm, I think that it should be "my" instead of "me". I really like the way you started this piece out. It caught my attention and it has a nice description.-

"It's gotten a little dark out,
And clouds are dancing on tabletops
That have been cleared after dessert served.
Happiness should be spread now,
But instead a sad man's face is here.''

-I like the change in mood here, how it changes, but flows. Like it doesn't just jump from emotion to emotion, you know.-

"Time is moving on now,
And he has to leave to go home:
To enter back into a world that is not a happy place,
As he treasures his broken heart over a woman
Who he loves, but no longer remembers his name."

-Awe, this part is sad, but relatable for me. I like this stanza; it really triggers something and connects with the reader.-

"My heart is beating faster now;
I'm just like him, we're like twins,
Born into different generations.
But why should that make us so different?
Why should that make us anything but the same?"

-I like that you made a comparison here. Your words here are simple, but somewhat emotional as well.. -

"And we both stand outside
In our own backyard, cold against the midnight breeze.
The lampshade in the sky glows like a fire,
And we pray, we pray,
For our loved ones to come back to us tonight."

-You wrapped it up nicely in this stanza. great work. :]-

I really like the title, it caught my attention right away. Your words were beautiful and you expressed yourself perfectly and clearly. all in all, this poem was amazing and too amazing beyond words. 5/5.

This is such a great idea to create an image of that sad man and then compare your feelings... thus you show that everyone sometimes feel this way.. i agree.
the poem is truly inpredictable, and it makes it stand out. the last stanza is brilliant. by uniting these images - of a "sad man", who is probably muchh older than you, and the image of yourself, you make the poem be not only expression of your personal feelings, but a piece of poetry about each of us.... no matter who we are, when and where we live - we all live through hard times, disappointment, "brokenheartness".....

the title of the poem really captivated me.
the atmosphere you create wuith beautiful descriptions is amazing and it reflects these emotions: sadness, hope.....
there were a lot of things i loved in this poem.
"And clouds are dancing on tabletops" <- i don't know why, but i really loved this line...

this poem made me think about how amazing iy is that through words we can express not only what we personally feel, but what millions of people are feeling..

okay, the poem is just brilliant. 5/5

"[The wind chill now bites me skin,
Like a lovers kiss that once grazed my neck],
-Okay, first off. I don't know if you are talking about the actually windchill here or the chill of the wind... if it's the actual windchill it's one word, I think. If not, it's fine the way it is.
-Secondly.. "The wind chill now bites ME skin"
Me should be my. :]
-Thirdly.. I got caught doing this earlier too.. your lines are sentences.. therefore the second part of the sentence shouldn't be capitolized, if that makes any sense..

"And clouds are dancing on tabletops"
-Oh, nice word choice. This is simply beautiful.

"That have been cleared after dessert served."
-I don't know if it would sound any better, or not. But maybe put was after dessert? After dessert was served...?

"My heart is beating faster now;
I'm just like him, we're like twins,"
-I like how you compare yourself to this person.

Overall, a really good poem. It had a wonderful flow. :) The title was unique and I loved it. I think the vocabulary could have been stronger, but it was good. 5/5.

There are some typos
like
"It's gotten a little cold out,"
and
"It's gotten a little dark out,"
and maybe
"bites me skin,"
those are easily fixable.
i liked this piece.
i do have a few tips.
a~ the lines all have different lengths. for this piece to impact and be strong, it has to flow and make sense. so some lines are really long while others are short. i think you could even it out a bit and make this piece more united.
b~ i think this piece needs a bit of flavor. the wording is good, but somewhat bland, so its needs unusual and creative help.
but overall really good piece
great job!!

Lexie

It's got a little cold out,

It's got a little dark out,
`I think they're both supposed to be "It's gotten." If you want to use got, it should be "It got."

desert
`dessert

Okay, now that that's out of the way, I have to say I quite liked this piece. Though I'm not quite sure I adored this line:

To enter back into a world that is not a happy place,
`It seemed like an odd choice, and quite a long line as opposed to the previous. "happy place" seemed like a flimsy choice, although I do get the use of it.

Your first stanza was a beautiful opening. It gives off a haunting chill, like the many memories that slash away at our thoughts with utter softness, like that of a lover's kiss :)

And clouds are dancing on tabletops
`Your next stanza, this line especially, made me drop. I got an image that heaven fell and landed at our feet, and we were not standing in hell. Dessert has been served--the relationship--and now the table has been cleared: the demise. And the ending line of the stanza just gave off an even more sorrowful air.

I love your fourth stanza--the including of an older man and a younger person ... Often, people tell us that we're too young to experience love until we're what, graduated from college? But this stanza just raises the question that you stated: What difference should it make?

Your ending stanza creates beautiful imagery. To me, the words created a sort of picture... Where there is hope, but not for a new future, but for a past to become the future. I saw the lampshade as a shooting star... And their prayers were the wish.
..__MiNDYY