Perfection {Triquatrain & Contest}

by BREEawNUHH   Jul 2, 2008


She's breaking down, she hides her frown.
But they all see perfection.
Deep inside she's broken, and too soft spoken.
She refuses to show affection.

She acts alright, she'll smile so bright.
But truthfully she's not even here.
Just one more time, this isn't a crime.
She won't cry another tear.

She can't do it all, she'll tape the note to the wall.
As the blood flows down her arm.
This is all she knew, they had not a clue.
She continues her self harm.

She'll be fine, it's the end of the line.
They've lost their teenage perfection.
Her secrets were kept well, not a soul she did tell.
No one paid her enough attention.

Briana Coulter
07/02/08

**A Triquatrain rhymes like this:
{a, a}
b
{c, c}
b

{d, d}
e
{f, f}
e

{g, g}
h
{i, i}
h

{j, j}
k
{l, l}
k

& on and on..

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    You did a very excellent job with this poem expressing every little feeling you had inside. I was really interested to see what you could come up with here. Because, perfection is just one of those things in life that everyone wishes they had, but they don't have. And not many of us can say we are blessed with perfection. Anyways, this poem was pretty well written I thought. The unique style was what also caught my eye. You did a excellent job explaining how people may look at you and think that you are like full of perfection and everything, but yet.. you aren't. You have your own flaws, and you don't feel perfect and you have that sad feeling inside you and you obviously don't feel the same like others do. Overall, this poem was great. I loved the style, it was a unique choice to choose for such a poem and I enjoyed this piece a lot. It was well written undoubtly. (: 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by The Prince

    I picked this poem for the runner up as it had a marvellous and sustained flow, and captured the essence of the title.
    The only thing I suggest in this poem is the combined rhyme 'perfection' and 'attention'
    and I feel 'not a soul did she tell' would work better than 'not a soul she did tell'.

    Despite these two minor points, the rest of it is fantastic and you should be pleased :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Just Jessy

    All I Can Say Is Amazing:) Your A Great Writer.

  • 16 years ago

    by AmberSherrellxxIve Been Sitting Here Trying To Find Myselfxx

    Again, short and the vocabulary basic.Although on a more positive note, the emotion was strong and it was easily followed.

    --amber--

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    A perfect Triquatrain This style is very efffective at delivering any feelings or themes

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