I Tried to Say I Love You; But Your Fist Got In The Way.

I don't usually read other peoples poems, I fear that I would in some way rewrite them... and be accused of plagarism. But this, this is great. The first one I read!!! I wont rewrite it :D don't worry!

Awesome well done very deep and emotional but i really liked it alot! :-) feel free to r/r/c some of my stuff if u want

This was really beautiful, but somehow, i wish it was longer. It seemed.. cut off? near the end instead of flowing to a smooth finish. Other than that, the piece was flawless. I thoroughly enjoyed the writing skill that you portrayed here and the emotions that were evident within the words.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me I didn't mean for you to get upset
I know I can be agitating, but leaving was just a threat
I'm sorry I didn't call, when I knew I would be late
But the look on your face was terrifying, when i saw you waiting for me at the gate."

^^ Wow. The beginning was really good, and it caught my attention. It made me want to keep reading. The only things are that the "I" in the last line, is not capitalized & should be, and there should be a period at the end of the second line to keep it consistant.

"I'm sorry my friends want to see me, I not cheating on you, I swear!
But the marks you left me with that night, really were unfair.
I'm sorry I couldn't hide the bruises, which you always seem to make
I know you really love me and each one is just a mistake."

^^ The first line -- "..I not cheating.." should be "..I'm not cheating..", I believe. This stanza is extremely well written.

"Every time you mark my skin, it hurts me more inside
But each day I'd put a new smile on, and push all the hurting aside
Cause you knew you were the one I loved, and I could never walk away,
But when I tried to say I love you, your fist got in the way."

^^ The ending is amazing. Just a couple of things that I have a problem with, however -- The second line should have a period at the end, to keep it consistant, as stated above. And the third line -- It should be "Because", or "'Cause", I think.

Overall; a very emotional piece. Well written, and I liked the rhyming, and it flowed well. Good job.

5/5

-Briana

♥This was so good and so sad. I loved it. Very well written♥