Not ready to say goodbye

Sometimes I get so close
To giving up and letting go
To slip away into nothingness
So silently that you'd never know

Sometimes I feel myself
Being drawn closer to the knife
Feeling myself start falling down
Ready to let go of life

And the weird thing about this is
That the feelings hit so fast
I'm fine one minute, then bad the next
and the sadness always seems to last

I also struggle with the thought
To tell you to leave my side
To find someone better than me
And just let me hide

Sometimes I have bigger doubts
That you're not in love with me
And sometimes I feel so hopeless
And wonder if we're meant to be

I know that you've looked at other girls
And that makes me feel insecure inside
When you asked, I said I was fine
But when I said that, I lied

Right now I am just down again
I want to bleed, and to just cry
I want to feel a different pain
But I'm not ready yet to say goodbye