My heart sinks when I see his face,
What I had thought was so much was nothing,
He killed me,
Sending me on a spiraling trail,
Never sure if this is up or down.
My heart bleeds,
Sending tears to my eyes,
I turn my heated face so no one can see my blue eyes ready to burst,
I race to a corner and sit holding my face,
Tears leak from in between my fingers and land on my knees,
Causing me to whimper and cry more.
My heart spills from my eyes like a water fall as I struggle to keep it inside,
I can't understand what I have done for such treatment,
My heart starts to close,
Becoming hard and rough to anyone's touch,
No matter how light,
It can force the most loved ones away.
Suddenly next to me I feel a hand and a soft breath on my neck,
I stop breathing for a moment to stop my sobbing to listen to the words said to me,
They are soft from a deep soft voice,
Sometimes hitting a high pitch.
My heart leaps to my throat as I listen to the soft words,
Comforting and secure,
Slowly I feel myself start to unravel,
My heart's rough edge becoming once again soft and touchable,
I feel better as you move away to join your own friends,
Holding the moment dear and close.
I know I probably will never be completely healed,
My love for him is still unconditional,
Still alive and wanting,
It still thrives,
Waiting for the day he will return.
I know he will never come back,
He has left me on my own,
Floundering and helpless as a new born child,
I will never heal that dark black spot in my heart,
It isn't possible after what I have endured.
But I also know that I can learn from it,
Have faith once again someday,
That the right one will come,
The right hand will stroke my hair,
The right voice with touch my ears,
And the right lips,
Will touch mine.
Someday I will be able to love again,
Someday I will be able to trust again,
Someday I will be able to stride up to a new boy and say, "Hello" without thinking of him,
Someday I will be able to give myself away again.
But right now I can't love,
Right now I can't trust,
Right now I can't hear the right voice,
Right now I am still trying to just survive the day,
And make it home alive.
I can't say when,
Can't say how,
Can't say why,
But I think it can come,
From a pair of gentle eyes and the right touch,
Or just a troubled soul who can trust me back.
Maybe I will find what I yearn for,
Maybe I will learn to love and not block people out,
I hope that day comes soon,
Because I don't know how long I can stand,
The look of hatred from his eyes,
The look of hurt from her eyes,
And the hurt and anger that boils in my heart,
That I simply can't rid of.
Will it come tomorrow?
I don't know.
Will it come next couple years?
I don't know.
Will it come in a couple years?
I don't know.
Has it already come?
I can't answer that.
Life is full of questions no one can answer but your self.
So what happens when a question enters the mind you yourself can't answer?
You hope it comes soon,
Before the alternative hits you smack in the face.
