I Hate Love

What's the deal with me?
What's is my problem?
I hate myself for many reasons.

For letting myself fall in love.
For letting myself get carried away by some guy.
For letting him in my heart.
For letting him tear me apart.

Why did I do this?
Why did it happen?

Well it just did...
I couldn't stop it.
My destiny was already laid out...
He just wasn't part of it...
Well not yet.

I guess I must live with this pain...
With this hurt;
With this bothersome feeling.

I feel regret.
I feel love.
I feel like I'm going to fall apart.

I want to pull myself together.
I want to get it all together.
I want to know what I did wrong.

I guess I won't ever find out.
I guess it just happened...
We never stood a chance.

I don't feel regret for letting it all happen.
It was an indescribable feeling.
It was all too wonderful.

I went all the way to moon when I was with him.
I went to new places where I had never been!
Well mentally, not physically...
I won't ever let myself get that far...
Not until I know he's the one.

It was fun while it lasted.
This feeling felt as if it were never ending.
But I guess all good things sometimes come to and end.

But these memories wont be forgotten.
They will stay in my heart and mind.
How could I ever forget the first time I hated love?